love

Sin takes on so many different forms, and the thing that is always the same is how ugly it is. actually, disgusting might be a better word for it. It's easy to say you have sin, because we all have sin, but to get a real revelation of it is totally different.

The other day was a bad day, I have been in need of a break for awhile. my in-laws have been on vacation for over a month, my husband has been working 60+ hours per week, my kids aren't in school, I have no babysitter ... it's been just me and the kiddos all the time. Mommies need breaks!

I am also going through other changes; we will be moving again, hubby had to quit his job, many unpaid bills, blah blah blah. I had been handling all this fairly well (if I do say so myself) but all this plus needy kids had created major stress this one particular day. the kids were crying, I was trying to cook dinner, and I had to just walk away because anger had filled me from head to toe. when I did get control of anger, I was hit with the revelation of love, or rather, the lack there of. I realized I was so angry at my kids because I was so focused on myself. I felt so awful.

This hit me hard since it came about because of my kids. Any mom will tell you what a connection there is between her and her baby; 9 months inside, 12+ months nursing, I'm a stay at home mom, I am so in love with my kids ... or so I thought. a bad day, a few wrong buttons pushed, stupid circumstantial stuff and I realize how conditional my love is. I guess for whatever reason, I thought I was different. I thought unconditional love was possible for people to have, more like a choice.

Sin is intertwined in everything, which makes us soliders to fight it every day, actually every second of everyday. Lord, give us eyes to see and ears to hear.

God is THE only one who loves truly UNconditioally. now I know.