3, 2, 1, go!

goodbye 2010 ... hello 2011


do you say twenty-eleven?  or two thousand eleven?
just curious.


here's my list of resolutions, goals, and things I want to do this year ..

• like everyone else, I'd like to drop another 20 pounds.  and the obvious ways to do it are to eat more fruits & veggies, less processed crap, more exercise, more exercise, and more exercise!  I'd like to work on my baby gut.  you know what I'm talking about ... that part of you belly that was never there before, but even 2 1/2 years after you last baby, its still there.  ugh.  I was never thin, never had a flat stomach let alone ANY muscle definition, and I don't even want that now.  well, ok, I'd take it if someone could just hand it to me!  but lately, I look in the mirror and that's all I see.   I'm going to start simple and do 50 sit ups a day ... is that too much?  25 maybe?  so nevermind the number, just make it a habit to do some everyday.
• drink more water!  I rarely drink soda, so I'm good there.  my problem is that I just don't drink, anything.  I can eat a meal without a drink at all.  is that strange?  when I do that too often, the headaches come.  those are not fun.  plus drinking more water will help me lose weight too.
• floss daily & wear my lovely retainer regularly ... hey, its better than having to get braces again!  almost anything would be better than that!
• start volunteering again somewhere, this time with Sam.  if possible, with Elliott too.
• start a garden of anything edible, on my little patio if need be
• get some guts and go get a brazilian.  and live to tell about it. seriously.
• take a surfing lesson.  and live to tell about that too.
• make it or break it with Avon
• start working again in the design world somewhere.  I still hoping for something great to come from this home-staging class I'm taking.
• get my tattoo redone, finally.
• I really want to go home to see my fellow cheeseheads.  I miss my cheese!  this year will be, dare I say, 15 years since I've graduated ... is there ever 15 year reunions?  or is it every 10?  well, it'd would be a good excuse to go ... of course I wasn't huge on school spirit, but still, there are a few people I'd like to see and catch up with.
• get good at finding & using coupons, AND, taking advantage of the loop holes to save lots of money.  have you seen that show on TLC about coupons?  this guy had a total of nearly $6,000, seriously, and after using all his coupons, his total was $250.  I would not have believed it if I didn't see it myself.  good grief!  now those people just buy whatever because they can get a screaming deal, often free, but I don't have the space in my home or the time to invest to get a huge stockpile going.  I know it can be simple, and I know I can do it for items we actually use &/or need.
• I want to learn to use my camera, like REALLY use my camera.  I know I have a nicer one (Nikon D40), the nicest one I've ever had anyway, and, I'm embarrassed to say, all I use is the automatic setting.  I have funny kid moments to catch, beautiful Hawaii to capture, and I want to be ready!

that's what I've got so far ... good list?


ok, I realize, its on the selfish side. digging deeper, I've noticed that I have made it a habit to rely on a certain someone else to make sure I'm taken care of, with things like on this list.  obviously no one can physically do most of this stuff but me, but I needed someone else to make the time so I COULD do it.  since the beginning, my schedule had revolved around someone else's ... and now its 3 someone else's.  in all honesty, to be positive, to stay positive, if mama isn't taken care of, everyone else will feel it.  if mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy ... there is some truth to that!

what's on your list?

maybe I do need Santa

I am totally missing the Christmas Spirit this year.

• we're in a new place.  so no family, no church family.
• no snow on the ground, so no reminders its Christmas time at all ... I'm from WI where we did actually have white Christmas'.   not too many people put up lights and such here either.
• new job with no money coming in ... without money, there will be no gifts, no tree, no decor, no lights, nothing.  I am sad that its money that could change that.  honestly, I miss all the traditional stuff of the season, and not the not having money thing.  really.
• and I can't seem to forget I married a man who has always been a Scrooge and who is not "a fan" of traditional things.  boo.

its depressing, right?

I am doing my best not to turn into a Scrooge.  not something I want to pass onto the children.

I understand having stuff is not what Christmas is about.  its about giving and not receiving.  its about living in the moment, while you're making memories.  how do you do that with the above list? 

even with money, we'd do this stuff.

here's our yesterday ... aaaaaaand I'm out of ideas.  help.

opening his snowflake

makes a cool shadow in the afternoon

looks strange with this background, doesn't it?
it does for me.

yes that is a pig, a turkey, and a bunny that you see.
don't ask why.  

as you can see, I'm not great at rolling even dough.
practice makes perfect, I suppose.
good thing hubby likes those really crunchy ones!

where's my cave?

I grew up in the midwest. we moved once when I was a kid. once.

who knew getting married would move us everywhere it has. in the last ten years, I have moved at least 10 times. we've been all over CA, into NV, over to CO, and now in HI.

its been interesting.

I get a lot of compliments from people on our why-not? perspective on moving. its mostly "wow, I wish I could do that." I think to myself, "really? ... you can if you really want."

there are 2 sides, and I fight them both every time moving comes up. I have major internal conflict because I can't decided which "side" I'm officially on.

why not go?

- its usually only circumstances holding you back. in case you don't know, circumstances change.

- there are jobs everywhere. know that money is a means; it does not define you ... or I ought to say it shouldn't define you.

- there are churches everywhere ... meaning your relationship with God isn't confined to a specific 4 walls. plus, there are always opportunities to serve others no matter where you go.

- there are relationships/friendships to be made everywhere. people are people.

- experience something different. get some culture!

- and who doesn't want to travel?! why save it for later?

later may never come.

why not stay?

- staying put allows you to really invest in things, people, places, work, etc.

- familiarity is comfortable.

- usually, you're family is close by. a big plus when you have kids.

- stability. stability. stability. did I mention, stability?

I would LOVE this kind of stability.

my personality is definitely to stay put. yes the list is shorter, but to me, each one counts as 10.

for the most part, I had a good childhood. we moved once, and I always saw that as being a good thing. it took me a long time not to associate moving & change with being a bad thing.

different is always bad, its just different.

familiarity suits me as in introvert just fine. sometimes I just want to find my cave and stay awhile ... but do you think staying comfortable teaches you anything? why change if you don't have to? I tend to think nothing will be gained while everything stays the same.

most of the time I hate the process. but God designed it that way, with reason ... for what will be obvious, eventually. right? right?!

I also have to accept, this might just be MY process.

the boys already have very different lives than I had as a kid. I think its a good thing to learn how to change easily, and, how to remain flexible due to changing circumstances. turns out I'm the only introvert in this little family of mine, so I have a feeling I'm in for more change. 1/2 of me wants to cry, scream, and have my tantrum. the other 1/2 is kinda, sorta excited about it.

I'm trying not to worry about tomorrow (Matthew 6:25-34).

that's always been my biggest problem.

there's been talks of going out of the country at some point. not sure if that will happen, but then again, if you suggested to me living in Hawaii even just 2 years ago, I would've told you that you were completely crazy!! but look where I am ... I'm convinced if God didn't want us to be here, the door would have been tightly shut.

tell me, given the opportunity, would you travel the world with your kids?

subtleties

I've been in Hawaii since the beginning of May, so almost 3 months. Out of all the moves we've made, its never been into a whole other culture. there are lots of subtle, little differences, and of course, no one tells you these things. you have to be a total "howlie," play dumb, and hopefully learn from that first mistake. for me however, I'm sure it will take more than once. ha!

my biggest issue is the language. English is spoken here, even though Hawaiian is a full language by itself. all the cities, street names, and local shops are Hawaiian of course ... and I'm just your basic, uncultured white girl. its kind of embarrassing.
some letters of the alphabet aren't even used. there are apostrophes everywhere, with emphasis in strange places. the vowels are pronounced differently than on the mainland. its funny, I got a Hawaiian/English translation book, but its no help because I don't get the enunciation of it all. sigh.

locals also think its pretty funny that we use a GPS. they say "it's an island. there are only so many places you can go."

I'm learning ... it's just a REALLY slow process. :)

cluttered

my brain is full and I'm emotionally drained. I guess it's just a part of my process.

I can't seem to blog about anything when stuff is going on ... this is my attempt to try. I tend to use this blog to update on things once my process is done, but in the meantime, I can't seem to put any words together the right way to make any sense ... if even that makes sense.

moving, yes.

MAJOR garage sale, yes, last weekend and this upcoming one.

lots of change, yes.

more change to come, yes.

kids are doing well with it so far. they are sleeping well, eating normally, and are healthy; don't think I can ask for more there.

I'm hanging in there, like I said, I'm full. and not even in a totally negative way. it's just a lot to fully take in.

Matt could care less ... and for the record, I mean this kind of change doesn't effect him like it does me, not that he doesn't care about me.

I guess this is just a post to say I'm alive and well. prayers appreciated. :)

brainstorming

a few favorite pictures from our trip. I think most of my regular readers are also with me on facebook; that's where you'll see more. enjoy.

it was definitely fun, stress-free, and even with the yucky weather, it was beautiful!

to Laura & Steve, thanks for your comments. it is interesting, isn't it?

for me, I am waiting on some kind of confirmation. one of those things that you can never know how it will be delivered, but once it is, you know it. I've always been a "glass is 1/2 empty" type, so I'm much more pessimistic and honestly, kind of a downer sometimes. for Matthew, he waits for a red flag. a confirmation NOT to go.

I do admire the day-by-day mentality, because tomorrow is not promised.

I believe that when you can see a pattern in your life, it's God trying to get through to you. in our case the pattern is apparent, but we're still missing the point. God has our attention ... now what? wait.

believe me, this is our ongoing conversation to try and figure it out. daily. it's kind of annoying.

does a pattern always have to be negative? what if God is preparing us for something bigger? we're definitely not the same people we were in CA, and look at how much change has come from these new environments. there has been tons of change in us, and I can't say I would even want to be that same person I was back then. I know I can safely say Matthew feels the same on that.

now would change still come without all this commotion? yes, but not sure if it would happen to the same degree. God can obviously bring change to anyone, anytime, anywhere, but He chooses to bring it in different forms, no? in a way we can hear Him, see His kingdom, and see where we fit into it.

what is amazing to me is that with all this change, all this moving, God has always created a way. for example, a job for Matt. not just any job, a job that pays well enough for me to continue to stay home with the boys, allowing me to do homeschool with Sam, and to be with Elliott. food in the fridge. roof over our heads, again, not just any roof, a house in good neighborhoods. not some little apartment with smaller utility bills and in a sketchy area. also something to note, our kids sleep good at night. they don't appear to be stressed, they are not continually [physically] sick, not stressed out, or depressed at all. in fact, Sam is behind in age but excelling in kindergarten. there is no evidence of worry or burdens on them.

our goal is to be stable and prosper spiritually, nothing else. having this mentality while this business is downsizing and looking like it might be the end, is flat out frustrating. knowing you have the right heart, with the right intention, and it still fails, is very discouraging.

it's a good thing Matthew and I are opposites. we were totally brought together to bring balance to each other, because when we're together we become the perfect person. :) that's how I like to think of it anyway!

if I was just like him, God only knows what kind of trouble we'd be in.

if he was just like me, we would probably be so boring, never going anywhere or doing anything.

God has a plan, and thankfully, it's bigger than what we see. we'd just screw it up!