flowing emotions

Just standing in the shower can get therapeutic, no?  Especially when its cold out, all I want to do is take a hot-as-I-can-take-it shower.

It's a good place to sing, a good place to cry, a good place to pray, a good place to  talk to yourself ... yea I do that.

And usually, almost as soon as I begin to enjoy the hot water coming down on me, I watch the water go down the drain and begin to think of those that can't do what I do.  The people that go to the river to get their water in order to bathe, to drink, to wash their clothes, to cook with, etc.  Which let me tell you, doesn't help the emotional side of things.

just sayin'

head and heart

I have to unload in a list; its seems this is how my brain will catch up with my heart ....

• I was blessed by sofas tonight.  yes used, but who cares?!  they were delivered, but more importantly, free.  my place is instantly more home-y.
• I am unintentionally developing a cleaning business on the side.  didn't see that coming because I don't really enjoy cleaning.  apparently everyone else hates it too, which is why they want someone else to do it.  whatever, its money.  come to think of it, Renew the View works for cleaning too, doesn't it?  oooooo, I think I like where this could go.
• but really, I NEED a real, steady, consistent job.  I wish I could go on like this until what I WANT to do happens, but that is fantasy.  I think I'm feeling guilty; I hate to be a mooch on anyone.
• this year is 1/2 over already ... not sure I've accomplished 1 of my resolutions.  boo on me.
• since I'm now broke, I have kept my same razor for awhile ... 2 thumbs up for Venus!  makes me think I could have kept other refills for a lot longer, because those suckers are expensive!  and btw, I'm totally converting to using a shampoo or conditioner to shave with over any shaving creme.  have you ever tried it?  you should.
• I have lost inspiration to pick up my camera anymore.  I hate to have lost this motivation, because I know that I don't take totally crappy photos ... no offensive ... but I can't seem to get IT back; whatever IT is.  why, why, why?
• not sure how I found the time, but I read a book ... in a matter of a few days.  soooooo not like me.  guess I found out something new about me.  it was a story about a female cabbie in England who [tries to] handle 5 lovers.  its not a detailed romance novel with a Fabio cover, but a love story none-the-less.  it could have easily been made into a movie.   I'm so not interested in having that life, yet I loved to read about it.  what does that mean?!
• I am really happy getting reconnected with people I had relationships with when I lived here a few years ago.  they don't like to hear of my circumstances, but still, I feel they still have their arms open for me.   thank you friends.
• Sam just had a night terror ... its been 3 months since his last one.  not sure what was different about today.  those are just plain not fun.
• my to-do list is still so long.  I was seeing progress, but the list is added to and added to and has become a million miles long again.  I wish I could live on 2 hours of sleep for awhile ... but that still might not be enough.  sigh.

• someone say a prayer for me.   thank you.

be thankful ...

 ... if you have a dishwasher.  I loathe doing the dishes.  (loathe is a step up than hate, right?  up meaning worse ... so a step down maybe?) its an every day thing.  sometimes its twice/day.  I have to wear gloves so my hands do not drown from drought later ... because they get so dry & chapped by being soaked in water ... which seems to be an oxymoron, doesn't it?  and its one more thing I can't multi-task at; I can't run the dishwasher and go on to do something else.  anyway, my point, I loathe doing the dishes.


... if have a washer & dryer in your home.  again, I can no longer multi-task this chore; at least not as well.  if I can mange to get ALL the clothes to the wash house (the community laundry room), and if all 6 of the washers are empty (occasionally they are),  then I'm super mom.  but neither of those happen very often ... because its not everyday I drink 5 cups of coffee.


... that your home is sealed more than mine.  this is Hawaii and I have bugs.  when you see one, there are millions, right?  seen Joe's apartment?  I have never seen gazillions, I think I would die on the spot if I did, but I've seen a few here and there when I turn on the light.  similar to cats, they get in the smallest of places ... but just because I'm slightly amazed by that trick does not mean I approve of their stay!  gross.


... if you live without construction right outside your window.  its literally right outside my window.  we do not have a/c here.  usually the ocean breeze is enough ... but not with the door closed.  some most days its so loud you can't think straight.  it raises our stress levels, our homeschool sessions are difficult, and now that's its been 3 weeks, its just not fun anymore.


... if you are healthy.  this cold/flu/nastiness has hit our house.  Sam was first, then hubby, then Elliott, and I've been last.  I didn't get it nearly as bad as everyone else (which is good for more than selfish reasons) because whether mom is sick or not, its her that takes care of everyone else.  wait, who takes care of mom?  oh yeah, mom.


yea, its one of those days.  weeks.  months?
those are my vents for this morning.


now I guess I ought to see the glass 1/2 full ... maybe tomorrow.

what home staging can do

I've recently finished a home staging class here in Hawaii, and I love it!  love love love.  its right up my alley, and I'm very excited to get involved.


long definition short -
home staging merchandises a home for a quick sell, at top dollar.  staging emphasizes all the positive aspects of a home, while down-playing the negative.  a stager designs to sell the home, whereas, an interior designer aims to design for the wants and needs of those living there.  very different.
the concept is great, its creative, its functional, and to top it off, it works!!


I plan to continue my training, and eventually, do this full time ... full time meaning around home school and whatever else the family is doing.  my own business??  maybe one day ... 
I headed to CA in April and I will be attending a 3-day seminar.  I will then be a certified ASP!  I'll even get to put those initials after my name.  awesome.


anyway-
I just wanted to share something I read in this book, by Barbara Schwarz, the "inventor" and original guru of home staging.
she included a chapter of testimonies; stories from ASP's about how staging really works - on selling a home faster than imaginable, but also, how it affects the lives of those involved.  whether the house is to be sold because a couple are divorcing, or maybe a parent died; lives are usually on hold until something like this (selling the estate) is taken care of.

"Maria lived in a 6,000 sq ft home that she and her husband had built and where they had raised a family of 6 children.  The house was still full: grandchildren, grown children back home, a retired husband, extended family.  The house had been on and off the market for 4 yrs.  The outside landscaping was overgrown and a broken statue sat on a pad at the dirty front door.  There were broken windows, and bordello-red walls and shag carpet in the master bedroom.  Kitchen cupboards, once white, were not gray with fingerprints, grease, and scratches.  Crystal collections, grandchildren's stuffed animals, and a lifetime of things full of memories were everywhere.  When I met Maria she was crippled with arthritis and had to walk backward down the spiral staircase to greet me.
I could tell this job would require work, patience, listening, and compassion, and I was right.  We removed red shag carpet, painted walls, cleaned rooms, packed collections, repaired the broken statue, and painted the front door black.  It took more than a month to stage, but Maria's husband and children got on board, and gradually the home evolved into a product.  The house went on the market and sold after the first open house!  When we went back to pick up our staging accessories, Maria ran down the stairs frontward!  She was free not only of her emotional attachment to the house, but of the crippling arthritis as well.  Can you believe it?  Just another small staging miracle.  We really do change lives!"


Jan Wilson, ASP, IAHSP
Ontario, Canada


when I was in school for interior design, one of the things that turned me off was how shallow it all was.  it was all focused on material possessions, without much concern of a budget ... it was just all selfish.  I couldn't do it.  I couldn't pretend all the arrogance didn't bother me.
many of these home staging jobs are about getting more money for your home (which can be awfully greedy & selfish too), however, its more about getting on with your life.  moving forward to what's next.  that, I love.

tuesday ramblings

its Tuesday morning coffee time ... but all that really means is that this post is totally random things on my mind while having my almost perfect coffee.

its only almost perfect because I'm out of my vanilla creamer, which is my fav!!  on the plus side, it IS 100% Kona made in my french press ... 2 out of 3 is not bad.

the latest news around here - the (little) boys and I are heading to Cali.  SoCal first to stay with my parents for awhile, probably through April, then off to NorCal to stay with my in-laws for another month or so.  its make it our break it time here in Hawaii.  there has been no paycheck for 8 months and it may be time to get out.  I have mixed feelings about the whole thing ... of course there is more drama to this, but I'll leave it at this. 

*any Cali friends reading this, we'll be in touch *

some good news - when in Cali, I'll be taking an ASP training seminar.  I will be an Accredited Staging Professional.  This fits me.  finally, I think I really found something that fits me.  to that I say HALLELUJAH!!  if you're curious about home staging, just ask.  I'm sure I'll post more on this in the future.

possible good news ... for me - we've met someone here to re-do my tattoo, but we've been missing each other for months.  now that I have plane tickets outta here, we're meeting on Friday to see if it can be done before we leave.  the tattoo I have, I think I got it the day I turned 18 ... or close to that.  I like it, but I've outgrown it somehow.  

years ago I looked into laser to get it removed.  I was told that green is THE MOST DIFFICULT color to remove.  well, that figures.  my tattoo is a green vine with flowers ... all the way around my thigh.  so its on the big side and the very noticeable side.

I want another type of green vine, with flowers, but with just 1 or 2 colors along with the green.  I have a larger flower on the outside of my leg - think about how you cross your legs when sitting - I want the larger flower to be out there still, but with a butterfly or something that will have my kids' initials &/or birthdays hidden in there.

I'm REALLY hoping I can get it done before April 6th!!

happy no matter what

as I type, my boys are watching The Sandlot.  love it.  very similar to Stand By Me; love that one too.  at the ending I always get choked up as the narartor tells you where all the boys ended up in life.  some make it big, others don't.  but then there is that last scene where they rewind time again to the boys as kids, reminding you what they went through to get to where they're going. 

I WISH I had a picture of all my girls from back in the day.  we spent EVERY SINGLE DAY together during the summer.  it was a blast!  we even all signed up for tennis lessons together one year ... and then we all had a crush on our tall, dark, & handsome instructor.  hahaha!  I love those girls, and I would definitely not be who I am today without them .... just like these movies.  I wish we could all hang out together again, if for just one night.

enough randomness for this morning ... have a great day!

25 forever

I recently had a birthday.  I'm 33 ... easy to type, not so easy to say out loud.
I was talking with my mama about aging, and I was explaining to her how I still feel like I'm 25.  of course there have been changes; maturity still happens in these years (just in case you're not aware!) but overall, my body is keeping up, my mind still feels sharp, I still have my perfect vision, I haven't had a new cavity in years, I am more or less back to the same size I was before babies (more on the more side rather than the less) ... and then she told me "you know what?  I still feel 25 too."


she's said this before, but this time it stuck.  a light bulb went off.


I met a woman just the other day.  she must've been in her 60's.  she lives just a few doors down from us and I met her through Sam.  *I am always meeting other adults through my kids - they are constantly breaking the ice with people.  they are not the shy type! *  she has an 7 year old chid with her that she homeschools.  I say "so you have full custody of him?"  she said "yes, he's our adopted son."  I was a tad shocked.  I thought maybe it was her grandson, but families do come together in a variety of ways, more now than ever.  we got to talking about curriculum and she had many concerns and questions.  both of us are in it for the first time this year, but she was really looking to me for advice.


I sat down and talked to her as an equal.  its like we were both 25, having the same concerns with our children and finding confidence in each other.  I spoke to her respectfully (I do believe in the whole respect your elders thing) but it was a very peer-like conversation.


I guess it just another example for me to see that people are people.  I tend to get hung up on how different God made us all, I think because I married a man that is so opposite from me, but really, we are very similar.  if we could all be 25, it might be easier to talk to each other, no?


my mom has become a much better friend and mentor to me ever since I had kids ... and I was 26 when that happened.  go figure ...

what's your parenting style?

I found this questionnaire in *gasp* Parenting magazine ... I am, for the record, not a big fan of this magazine.  to me its filled with lots paranoia and fear ... wait ... how'd did it even find a home in my mailbox???


anyway -
I found this questionnaire and wanted to share & invite any/all mommies reading to participate.  just because.

1. describe your parenting style - I tend to be strict about certain things, like responsibility & manners, but for everything else, I do my best to be as flexible as possible.  
2. last meal you cooked - spaghetti & meatballs
3. weirdest thing in you purse - 3 hotwheels ... is that weird?
4. craziest thing you've done while sleep-deprived - I am thankful to be out of that stage. that said, I don't remember!
5. behavior you hope your kids don't inherit from you - I'm not much of a reader, but I would love for them to discover how great that can be.  does this mean I ought to start reading for myself?
6. last thing your child did that made you laugh - my boys are funny all the time!  Elliott is especially funny lately since he is learning to talk and getting very expressive.
7. your favorite baby gear - when they were baby-babies, I was always so thankful for my boppy.  I was so thankful to be able to nurse them both, and that boppy saved my arms!  today my favorite thing is my Bob stroller.
8. lost object you recently helped your child find - Sam can't seem to keep his shoes together.  how does one shoe always end up on the opposite side of the house?  or often, we find 1 in the house and 1 in the car ....?!&$#@!
9. the song that best describes your parenting experiences - I do my best to cherish, the good and the bad days alike.  the bond a mother has with her children is close to indescribable.  its like no other.  I LOVE this song; Sade is one of my favorite musical artists ... go listen, The Sweetest Gift, by Sade
10. kids' tv show you can't stand - Spongebob is way too annoying for me.  Barney is actually ok, its the child actors that ruin the show, so much so, I just can't get over it.  and Cailou is a big whiner ... and why doesn't he have hair?  ever?
11. first word that pops into your head when I say "mom" - love

leave me a link to your answers in the comments.  remember, there are no wrong answers!


ps. what do you think of Parenting magazine?

this kind of drinking is good

WATER: something all living things need to survive.  it seems to me, we need it just as much as oxygen. 


water comes to us in our food and other drinks, which seem to have become the substitute for many of us.  me included.  it wasn't until I was living at 9,000 feet last year, where the oxygen was lacking and everything was soooooooo dry.  my hair, my skin, not to mention all the static electricity in the house.  ouch!  as much as I loved living in the mountains of Colorado, I won't be going back to 9,000 feet.  ever. 


funny to think we're made up of mostly water ... but it makes sense that we need to always be adding to it and replacing it.  even the oceans are added to.  (God's design is always amazing to me)


I started getting headaches, and it took me awhile to figure out what it was.  I was dehydrated.  for me, once I get a headache from lack of water, drinking a whole bunch at once doesn't fix it.  its like a migraine, and yes, I need water, but I also need an medication, a dark room, and quiet ... having kids, the quiet part doesn't usually happen.


I don't remember having to drink water as a kid.  I wasn't "raised" on it ... if that makes sense.  I can go through an entire meal without a drink.  occasionally, I will even come home from walking and still wait awhile to take a drink.
its funny, because I like water.  I'm not hooked on soda or coffee.  if I have juice, I always drink it 1/2 juice, 1/2 water; its just too sweet otherwise.  


I've been told if you're thirsty, you're already dehydrated.  well, great.


Sam also got dehydrated when we were in Colorado.  and sometimes, when something happens to your kids, THAT'S when you change things.   having a headache is no fun, and when you see your 5 year old suffer from one, is more like heartbreaking.  so water water water for everyone.  all the time.  well, as much as we can stand it anyway.


so with our "water issues," I have turned to CAMELBAK for my solution.  one word: awesome!


I have a big bottle that holds 32oz.  my goal is to drink at least 1 of those per day.  at least.  the kids' bottle is 16oz.  I did have 2 bottles, but they would just want what the other had, so instead, I fill the 1 a couple times per day.  seems to work out better that way.


they are on the expensive side.  a water bottle for $20?!  c'mon!  HOWEVER ...
1. I get no backwash from my kids.  I can share without the worry of  floaties surprising me later on.  don't you HATE that?!  so gross.
2. its all BPA-free. yay!
3. think green.  stop buying bottles and reuse what you have.
4. you can buy new mouthpieces when needed - say you have a toddler that's teething and you keep finding him just chewing on it ... ugh, Elliott!
5. no spills.  you know how every single baby/toddler cup claims to be spill free ... and you spend too much money to find out none of them are 100%?  well, I can't lie.  I've had a few drops when it got tossed on the floor, but nothing compared to those stupid cups.  I only wish I made this discovery years ago!  for me, its been revolutionary.


I was lucky enough to find the 2 I have at the thrift store.  yahoo!  I paid less than $10 for both.  and because of #4, its ok.  or at least, because of #4, I'm not at all grossed out by buying used water bottles.  would you buy these used?


I did pay full pop for the backpaks.  I got 1 adult size, and 1 child size.  they are perfect for our hikes.

for whatever reason, once these things are in their mouth, they drink and drink and drink and drink.  the biting, sucking, swallowing is enough action for them to be interested ... I don't know, that's my guess anyway.  but whatever the reason, they drink more water because of this bottle.  I'm convinced.


for me, this is one of those things I want to instill in my kids on purpose.  drink more water!!  how do you get your kids to do it?

not the "haha" funny

I think its funny that the most loved holiday is Christmas.


I think its funny how people talk about the Christmas Spirit, and somehow, this Spirit allows people to be more generous and thoughtful of others.


I know you've heard this before ... CHRISTmas.  now, how did HIS name get in there?




I know that every family has their own traditions, and yes, its not quite like that of 2000+ years ago .... but at the same time, it is.




families come together to eat, drink, & be merry. we get together and celebrate the day, together.
kind of like when Jesus was born; it was celebrated among many.


we give gifts to people who are important to us, who have a place in our hearts.  we give much, because we were given much.
kind of sounds like that CHRISTmas spirit, no?  allow me to be the first (or not) but the Spirit IS real.  you're not imagining it.  there is "something" in the air.


we all have either a star or an angel on top of our tree, right?
and that's just like how the wise men followed a star to find that newborn baby, meanwhile, the angels rejoiced.


its funny.


I also its funny how so many people know and sing our traditional Christmas songs.  you are proclaiming so much more than you know.  sing it loud!


so many don't claim to be christian, but the traditions of long ago are still very much happening ... which to me, says the same thing as ... you don't have to be a christian for God to be real.  you don't have to believe its Christ's birthday, but it is, and its happening anyway.




just my thoughts for tonight ....

because they will ask ...

I try to teach my kids to know right from wrong. 
to know when to stop, or to keep going.
to know how to ask for help.
to never give up, and to try and try and try again.


a quote I heard recently -
"never look down at other people ... unless you are bending over to help them up"
I want to teach them that too.


I teach them if someone isn't treating you right, use your words.  if that doesn't work, get an adult.  and if that doesn't do anything, walk away and find something else to do.
everyone doesn't know the golden rule.  I wish they did.  if they did, I think it would solve a lot of problems.


its funny, what you try to teach your kids, its usually a good "refresher course" for the parent too.  I suppose God had that in mind when he created these kids.  perfect just for me.


of course as I'm re-learning some of these lessons, I have more questions.  questions I'm afraid my kids will ask, because 1. I know they will ask eventually, and 2. I'm afraid because I don't have the answers.  


certain things are so black and white, yes or no; so easy, uncomplicated ... I guess all that entails (the not-so-common) common sense.  other things are the exact opposite, but, I don't need to tell you that, do I?  allow me to quote your mother, and mine "no one said life was fair."


its one thing to know it in your head, but when you're living it out, all these "what if's" come into play, and its very, very different.  it seems there are so many rules that bend due to the circumstances.  everything doesn't have a final line in the sand ... and I think that is what is driving me crazy.  I guess I'm a person who likes boundaries and it kills me to be the one to make them.  but sometimes you have to, like with the things you teach your kids.


what would you do, if you couldn't be you?  if you weren't accepted as you are?  if everything you said, thought, and felt was debated, questioned or attacked?  as I teach my kids, if all else fails, walk away ... because there is only so much you can do with that.


but do I, as an adult, also walk away?  or do I take it, because the rules say I have to?  or are rules and boundaries made as a guide?  kind of like the ropes in the water that say 'its safe to swim here, but not over there' when really, its the exact same.  
which is the better example for my kids?  I never want to live a lie.  I am not a fan of "fake it till you make it," to me, its based on a lie, but to me "practice what you preach" is very true.


too many euphemisms?
they're kind of like stereotypes; no one likes them or wants to be stereotyped one way or another, but there is truth to them since they're based on the majority.  right?


now in my opinion, the important part is to not hold resentment.  don't get bitter.  don't hold onto the offense and let it root in you.  I can't help but think of "don't hate the player, hate the game" ... can't believe I just said that, but hey, its true.  to me its just like what Jesus said " father forgive them, for they know not what they do."


certain things in life don't work on a clock.
issues come when they need to.
holiday or no holiday, its when God says "NOW."

AIDS day

do you know someone with AIDS/HIV?
today is AIDS Day.  I haven't officially checked into this, but its probably more like AIDS Awareness Day ... everything is so generically PC now.


I have heard stories and read the news over the years about the journey of infected patients.  there is nothing fun about it.  the (routine) medication process is so completely debilitating on the body; it seems similar to what chemo does to a cancer patient.  kills everything but your spirit.


I knew someone who was diagnosed, years ago.  his journey was a whole 2 months, so I didn't witness the "traditional" progression of it.
you can read last year's post about that HERE.  I just re-read it myself ... I'd probably write it a bit differently today, but for the most part, I still agree with myself.


still, I think of him from time to time.  and still, it brings tears to my eyes.


I know that today isn't (necessarily) remember-all-the-people-you-know-who-died-of-AIDS day, in fact my friend died in the summer.  still, as AIDS Awareness Day, and him being the only association I have with this disease, it becomes a day of remembrance for me anyway.


today, I'd like to share the poem he wrote.  this was on the back page of the program to his memorial service.  I wonder if he'd be ok that his family shared this ... working together as much as we did, I didn't know he was a writer at all.  it was kind of a nice surprise to see, on such a sad day at his funeral.

Repentance
by Mitch Beasley


The man and wife
together, in love
A child is born
God's gift from above


Love and kindness
meet all of his needs
Faithful attempt
to know where this leads


Choice to be made
his parents know right
But only his
today or tonight


"He chose 'the way'
Good Christians rejoice"
Still, he struggles
to silence that voice


That voice, all pain
but burned with desire
He fights with might
still the flames rise higher


Then the day shows
when fire, too torrid
Consumed his heart
on paths too horrid


"Good Christians come,
suffer his anguish.
The place he stands
is not in his wish."


Jailed by the flame
no exit, no out
Until the choice
he recalls, without doubt


"Call on my soul,
and wherever, to come."
"Father above
your will for mine.  Be done."


All fire, doused out
burns, char mark the spot
Remind all the souls
of this evil lot


But tribulation
has come and now gone
Let the spirit
return to his home


"Now come around
good Christians, again.
The boy has learned,
come back to this land."


Congratulate this boy,
facing his soul
For very few
could ever be so bold.


And when pain comes
Instead, don't choose to run
'Call on my soul,
and wherever, to come.'

silver & gold

make new friends
but keep the old
some are silver
and the others gold


I learned this as a brownie.  (if you're not familiar, that's like a baby girl scout)
not sure if there is more to it or not.  anyone heard this before?  I ought to google it.  anyway ...


I have always had few close friends.  as you know, I'm on the introvert side, so opening up to less people fit me fine.  still does.
moving around as much as I have, it seems I don't have any.  none that I can go hang out with anyway.  my hubby can make 20 friends in one day.  not me.


making friends, to me, fits my assumption of what dating is like.  exchanging numbers, hanging out a few times to see if you have lots to talk about, if you're kids get along, etc.  people cancel your playdate, forget to call, or give you stupid excuses.  its like another game I don't need, or want.


most of the time I'm glad I don't have phone calls to return.  my alone time is down to once a week, so its valuable to me.  I can be alone with my thoughts, or, veg out and not think at all.


then of course when the sh*t hits the fan and things get rough, you wish someone was there for you giving their 2cents.  so you know you're not crazy.  or to get an outside perspective.  or just to get a hug.


there are people I have known in my thirty-something years that have really stuck with me.  in my head and in my heart.
people I will always think of and remember, no matter where I end up in life.


I am glad all my "friends" are online (thanks to this guy)  and yes, I'll admit, it is a tad pathetic, but as it is, I have no choice.
but its ok, I've already been through all the preliminary dating stuff with them, so we're good.








one of those friends came through for me tonight with some much needed encouragement.  
thank you, to my silver & gold friends
love to all

17 of 30

(making up for yesterday - sick in bed again. I don't know what's up with that ... I'm rarely the sick one)

I don't know how a state goes about choosing its state flower, but I think Hawaii ought to change theirs.

the hibiscus is big, and huge, and I've only seen it in a few colors. there is no stem to cut so you can put it in a vase, and its way too huge to pick and put behind your ear, as Hawaiians traditionally do. maybe there are different breeds where you can do that, I don't know.

the hibiscus, of course, grows everywhere here. its paradise, what doesn't grow here, right?! but its missing something ... it doesn't really smell. I don't know about you, but I enjoy smelling my flowers.

plumeria ought to be the new state flower ... in my humble opinion. :)

these plumeria also grow everywhere and are in major abundance. in fact, most leis I've seen are made from these.

they grow on trees ... and Sam loves them because the trees are low enough for him to climb. he'll always go up

and then come down with a flower for me.

all together now - awwwwwwww! he knows I love them.

look at these pictures; they come in lots of colors. so pretty!

the one thing I can't really share with you is their smell.

its soft & sweet. think along the lines of a gardenia, but not so strong.

we have a plumeria tree right outside our back window.

since we are on the second floor, we see the very top of the tree, where a lot of the blooms are. I can smell these flowers everyday.

its a nice way to start the day!!

10 of 30

I'm in the shower this morning, doing my thing ... and by doing my thing I mean I'm taking a shower ... and as I'm rinsing the shampoo out of my hair, hair is coming with it.

now that is always happened, but lately, its been more than usual. Have you seen The Craft? I couldn't help but think of this:

ok, so it wasn't quite that bad, but it was enough for me to wonder.

then I remember having a full head of wonderful, thick, curly hair, mostly while pregnant. it was so nice not lose it in the shower. I think I kept every single hair on my head.

and then I thought, I'm gonna use this on my thankful list!!

I am THANKFUL that I am not pregnant, even though there are a few things I miss about it.

here's what I do miss:

• people treating you as a priceless & fragile piece of art because of your ability make babies
• people being so accepting of how much you eat
• people allowing for extra naptime
• and then of course, all the ooh's and aah's of a newborn

I am also THANKFUL I won't get pregnant, although there is that always 1 in a bazillion chance. (fyi - I was "fixed" after baby #2) I just wanted to make it clear to God I wasn't interested in having more kids, but if God has other plans, well then, I'm fine with being used for a miracle. when/if that happens, I will also change my name to Mary.

here's what I don't miss:

• the 24/7 nausea feeling of the first 4 months
• then after those 4 months, always being hungry
• the extra sensitive emotions
• feeling like an elephant ... or whale, depending on the day
• towards the end - back aches & swollen feet
• tossing and turning and NEVER getting comfortable
• I could go on ...

so by being thankful for not being pregnant or getting pregnant, I cannot thank God enough for the 2 babies I did have. they are amazing human beings. and I am thankful to be entrusted with their lives (for awhile anyway) and to be called mama by the 2 sweetest little voices ever.

where's my cave?

I grew up in the midwest. we moved once when I was a kid. once.

who knew getting married would move us everywhere it has. in the last ten years, I have moved at least 10 times. we've been all over CA, into NV, over to CO, and now in HI.

its been interesting.

I get a lot of compliments from people on our why-not? perspective on moving. its mostly "wow, I wish I could do that." I think to myself, "really? ... you can if you really want."

there are 2 sides, and I fight them both every time moving comes up. I have major internal conflict because I can't decided which "side" I'm officially on.

why not go?

- its usually only circumstances holding you back. in case you don't know, circumstances change.

- there are jobs everywhere. know that money is a means; it does not define you ... or I ought to say it shouldn't define you.

- there are churches everywhere ... meaning your relationship with God isn't confined to a specific 4 walls. plus, there are always opportunities to serve others no matter where you go.

- there are relationships/friendships to be made everywhere. people are people.

- experience something different. get some culture!

- and who doesn't want to travel?! why save it for later?

later may never come.

why not stay?

- staying put allows you to really invest in things, people, places, work, etc.

- familiarity is comfortable.

- usually, you're family is close by. a big plus when you have kids.

- stability. stability. stability. did I mention, stability?

I would LOVE this kind of stability.

my personality is definitely to stay put. yes the list is shorter, but to me, each one counts as 10.

for the most part, I had a good childhood. we moved once, and I always saw that as being a good thing. it took me a long time not to associate moving & change with being a bad thing.

different is always bad, its just different.

familiarity suits me as in introvert just fine. sometimes I just want to find my cave and stay awhile ... but do you think staying comfortable teaches you anything? why change if you don't have to? I tend to think nothing will be gained while everything stays the same.

most of the time I hate the process. but God designed it that way, with reason ... for what will be obvious, eventually. right? right?!

I also have to accept, this might just be MY process.

the boys already have very different lives than I had as a kid. I think its a good thing to learn how to change easily, and, how to remain flexible due to changing circumstances. turns out I'm the only introvert in this little family of mine, so I have a feeling I'm in for more change. 1/2 of me wants to cry, scream, and have my tantrum. the other 1/2 is kinda, sorta excited about it.

I'm trying not to worry about tomorrow (Matthew 6:25-34).

that's always been my biggest problem.

there's been talks of going out of the country at some point. not sure if that will happen, but then again, if you suggested to me living in Hawaii even just 2 years ago, I would've told you that you were completely crazy!! but look where I am ... I'm convinced if God didn't want us to be here, the door would have been tightly shut.

tell me, given the opportunity, would you travel the world with your kids?

advertise something else please!!

Attention readers ... just an fyi

I DO NOT endorse the advertisments on my page.

does this need to be said?

those of you who know me, [hopefully] know that I do not, would not, and will not watch Skins on MTV. no. I was never much of a MTV follower even when it was cool. but I have to say, today it is so. not. cool. total trash. sorry to you who feel otherwise. I feel stupider (is that a word? or is it more stupid? see that? I don't know. how 'bout dumber?) and dirty, like I need a shower for watching. as far as I'm concerned, nothing good comes from MTV, not even the music anymore.

is this my old age talking? could I be an old fuddy-duddy now? maybe ... but that's not the point.

the other ad I saw was for HP. now first let me say, I'm no tech-y. I am only partial to Apple because I've had waaaaaaaaay fewer issues with it than any desktop/pc I've had. but I'm simple, I just want to turn it on and have it work ... is that so much to ask?!

my hubby's grandfather is one of the original staff members of HP from back when it started. He knew Hewlett & Packard; I can't remember his title now, but they all worked together at whatever executive level it was. anyway, my point is, even grandpa has an apple ... 2 in fact.

bye bye HP. you are not welcome in my home.

have you seen these ads?

chances are the ads will change to make me look crazy, I'm sure.

I thought Adsense was suppose to post things that have something to do with this blog ... to pull out the good & interesting things I write about and advertise that stuff. if you're interested in the nonsense I write, than you might actually click on the ad to find out the real facts. ha! but right?!

and if you do click, somehow I earn 1/2 a cent ... but it all adds up, so click away. I think I promised I wouldn't click, but does that mean I can't recruit you? that might be cheating, I'm not sure. maybe after this I'll get an email to tell me how I've violated the terms ... blah, blah, blah ... and then I will laugh. :)

so here's my plan ... I will now type random things Adsense can advertise about it. in theory it should work, right?

shoes, Hawaii, beaches, travel, coffee, school, design/decor, library/books, food, kids, parenting, Jesus, crafts, farming, hiking, camping, donations/charity, health & exercise, weather/rainbows, movies, music ...

start there and let me know when you need more ideas. thanks Adsense.

thankful

I don't blog when my mind is full. I know I've told you this before, but there it is again. my mind is full ... and no, I don't really want to talk about it.

**HOWEVER**

even during struggles, I still know better. I still know that there are ALWAYS things to be thankful for. after all my bible tells me over and over that I'm destined for trials, but also, the great prize for persevering through. amen.

good timing Morgan, thank you.

in no particular order ...

1. I know my family loves me even though they don't agree with my decisions.

2. my children are healthy & happy.

3. my God makes sure our needs are taken care of during financial famine.

4. as strange as this may sound, I am thankful for facebook. without it, I would have never been able reconnect with certain people I have thought of daily for years.

5. vanilla lattes!

6. my father-in-law who butts in because he's needed, not because he's wanted.

7. the beach ... Hawaiian beaches at that!!

8. the opportunity to homeschool.

9. waking up with hope.

10. the brownies that just came out of the oven. mmmmmm!