women's health

Important Women's Health Issue:

* Do you have feelings of inadequacy?
* Do you suffer from shyness?
* Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive?
* Do you suffer exhaustion from the day to day grind?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, ask your doctor or
pharmacist about Margaritas.

Margaritas are the safe, natural way to feel better and more confident
about yourself and your actions. Margaritas can help ease you out of
your shyness and let you tell the world that you're ready and willing
to do just about anything. You will notice the benefits of Margaritas
almost immediately and with a regiment of regular doses you can
overcome any obstacles that prevent you from living the life you want
to live.

Shyness and awkwardness will be a thing of the past and you will
discover many talents you never knew you had. Stop hiding and start
living, with Margaritas.

Margaritas may not be right for everyone. Women who are pregnant or
nursing should not use Margaritas. However, women who wouldn't mind
nursing or becoming pregnant are encouraged to try it.

Side effects may include:
- Dizziness
- Nausea
- Vomiting
- Incarceration
- Erotic lustfulness
- Loss of motor control
- Loss of clothing
- Loss of money
- Loss of virginity
- Table dancing
- Headache
- Dehydration
- Dry mouth
- And a desire to sing Karaoke

WARNINGS:
* The consumption of Margaritas may make you think you are whispering
when you are not.
* The consumption of Margaritas may cause you to tell your friends over
and over again that you love them.
* The consumption of Margaritas may cause you to think you can sing.
* The consumption of Margaritas may make you think you can logically
converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.

Please share this with other women who may need Margaritas.

trick your brain

if you only read this, it will sound ridiculous

try it and tell me if this doesn't work for you.

strange, right?!

a true entrepreneur ...

A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large plastic
Garbage bags behind her. One of the bags was ripped, and every once in
Awhile, a $20 bill fell out onto the sidewalk.

Noticing this, a Policeman stopped her, and said, "Ma'am, there are $20
Bills falling Out of that bag."

"Oh, really? Darn it!" said the little old lady. "I'd better go back and
See if I can find them. Thanks for telling me officer.."

"Well, now, not so fast," said the cop. "Where did you get all that
Money? You didn't steal it, did you?"


"Oh, no, no", said the old lady. "You see, my back yard is right next to
The football stadium parking lot. On game days, a lot of fans come and
Pee through a knot hole in the fence, right into my flower garden. It used
To really tick me off. Kills the flowers, you know.

Then I thought, 'why not make the best of it?' So, now, on game days, I
Stand behind the fence by the knot hole, real quiet, with my hedge
Clippers. Every time some guy sticks his pecker through my fence, I
Surprise him, Grab hold of it and say, 'O.K., buddy! Give me $20, or off
It comes.'

"Well, that seems only fair," said the cop, laughing. "OK. Good luck!
Oh, by the way, what's in the other bag?"

"Well, you know", said the little old lady, "not everybody pays."

real men

another email ...

He will inspire her to do things she never thought she could do; to live without fear and forget regret.

He will enable her to express her deepest emotions and give in to her most intimate desires.

He will make sure she always feels as though she's the most beautiful woman in the room and will enable her to be the most confident, sexy, seductive and invincible.

No, wait... sorry... I'm thinking of wine. Never mind.

doggie sweetness

an email forwarded from my mom, the dog lover ...

Being a veterinarian, I had been called to examine a 10 yr old Irish Wolfhound named Belker.

The dog’s owners, Ron, his wife Lisa, and their little boy Shane were all very attached to Belker, and they were hoping for a miracle.

I examined Belker and found he was dying of cancer. I told the family we couldn’t do anything for Belker and offered to perform the euthanasia procedure in their home for the old dog.

As we made arrangements, Ron & Lisa told me they thought it would be good for their 4 yr old son Shane to observe the procedure. They felt Shane might learn something from the experience.

The next day, I felt the familiar catch in my throat as Belker’s family surrounded him. Shane seemed so calm, petting the old dog for the last time, that I wondered if he understood what was going on. Within a few minutes, Belker slipped peacefully away. Shane seemed to accept Belker’s transition without any difficulty or confusion.

We sat together for awhile after Belker’s death, wondering aloud about the sad fact that animal lives are shorter than human lives.

Shane, who had been listening quietly, piped up, “I know why.”

Startled, we all turned to him. What came out of his mouth next stunned me. I’d never heard a more comforting explanation.

He said, “People are born so that they can learn how to live a good life --- like loving everybody all the time and being nice, right?” He continued, “Well, dogs already know how to do that, so they don’t have to stay as long.”

That’s truly amazing, and from the perspective of a 4 yr old!

Remember, if a dog was the teacher you would learn stuff like:

When a loved one comes home, always run to greet them.

Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride.

Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure ecstasy.

Take naps.

Stretch before rising.

Run, romp, and play daily.

Thrive on attention and let people touch you.

Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.

On warm days, stop to lie on your back on the grass.

On hot days, drink lots of water and lie under a shady tree.

When you’re happy, dance around and wag your entire body.

Delight in the joy of a long walk.

Eat with gusto and enthusiasm. Stop when you have had enough.

Be loyal. Never pretend to be something you’re not.

If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it.

When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by and nuzzle them gently.