funny boy

I start the kids' bedtime routine early most nights, like 7-730pm.

They share a room together (most nights a bed too), so I do this to get them to calm down a bit, and then I can hang out with them, read, play I Spy or 20 Questions for awhile.

tonight we're laying there and I ask them "if you could be any animal, what would you be?"

Sam goes through a bunch of different ones, and then

"I want to be a black momma"

"what?!"

"a snake of course"

"Sam, there is no snake called a black momma"

as if I misunderstood, he says -

"no, not A black mama the person, but THE black momma the snake"

"you're crazy.  there is no black momma snake"

"yes mom.  I wanna be a black momma!"

too funny.

so after I put them in bed and went to google just to find out what he's thinking about

fyi - its a black mamba :)

an example of being so smart, you're stupid

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping trip, and after finishing their dinner they retire for the night, and go to sleep.
Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend. 

"Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see." 

"I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes" exclaims Watson. 

"And what do you deduce from that?" Watson ponders for a minute. 

"Well, astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo
Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three.
Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow
Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe. 


What does it tell you, Holmes?" 

"Watson, you idiot!" he exclaims, "Somebody's stolen our tent!"

sweet or pervert?

I haven't walked in 2 weeks.  I've been feeling very blah, for lack of a better word, and so,  I decided THIS IS THE DAY to get to it again.  it was hard to get up at 5am, but it does so much for me mentally, so I know its worth it.  it will hit me later today how tired I am!


my walk is 2 1/2 miles, downhill first.  this means as I'm coming back into my complex, I have just climbed what feels like Mt Everest, and I have to walk by everyone who is all clean, showered, & dressed waiting for the bus.  and then there are those still in their jammies, just waking up and have to take the dog out to pee.  and of course the security guards, who, all they do is people watch.  I'm a sweaty mess coming back from that hill.


side note: this is Hawaii, so wherever you may live there are always places that are exclusively vacation rentals.  since I'm in more or less an apartment complex with many units, there are always people around that no one has ever seen before.


so as I'm turning my corner to come home, there this old man.  I'd say 70-ish; he going out for a morning stroll, all alone.

him: "you look like the hiking type" with a big 'ol grin on his wrinkly face
me: "I try!"
him: "are you a resident here, or are you visiting?"
me: "I live here"
him: "resident or are you visiting?" ... like I didn't understand
me: "I LIVE HERE" ... a bit louder than normal
him: "ahhhh, so glad there are some nice looking girls here" still, with that big 'ol grin
me: "oh, thank you.  can you be here every morning to tell me that?"




with that I kept on walking, not totally sure if he was a pervert (which all old men are, aren't they?) or maybe he was just a sweet old man, trying to make me smile.  it was a good laugh none-the-less, and even though it came from a 70-ish year old man, it was a good way to start the day.

Xmas humor

I know Christmas is over, but I just saw this and wanted to share.

dedicated to those who love design &/or architecture ....

if you can't read the caption, it says:

"damn contemporary, bullsh*t architecture!"

Merry Christmas!

a priceless moment

my Elliott is 2 1/2 years old.  I am insistent on naptime, even when he is not.  I will ride this one to the end ... its all us moms have!  and since I'm not having anymore kids, this really IS all I have left!!

when Samuel was 3, I was pregnant with Elliott.  I was so wiped-out being pregnant the second time around AND ON TOP OF THAT chasing him all over the place that I was insistent on naptime then too.  it was great to nap together.  I think that's the only reason it lasted as long as it did with him.  however it happened, I sure am thankful for those times.

I can't nap with Elliott; he has to be a solo napper.  I now use naptime as school time with Samuel.  sometimes it overlaps with Elliott being awake, so I'm having to keep him busy ... with something.  by the way, tips on that would be appreciated!

my point for the solo nappers ... they have those few moments before actually falling asleep.  moments of freedom in their rooms, when no one is watching them to say no.  those moments of being 1/2 asleep, not really knowing what they're doing.  somehow no matter how tired they are, that desire to anything they want holds on until the last minute.  and here's what you get ...

sometimes it takes him awhile to fall asleep, but never more than 20 minutes or so.  when it becomes quiet in there, I don't go in.  I know he's asleep.
I didn't see this until he came out of his room.  he was again, 1/2 asleep, and walked out stumbling a bit, wondering what was going out with the rest of us.  he always thinks he's missing out on so much.

he forgot he was wearing these until we tried to take them off.  he put his head all the way through the leg holes, so it wasn't so easy to get them off.  but, very very funny.

at least he got them out of the drawer and not the dirty clothes!

A Special Xmas Cake recipe ... try it!

Christmas Cake

Ingredients:

* 2 cups flour
* 1 stick butter
* 1 cup of water
* 1 tsp baking soda
* 1 cup of sugar
* 1 tsp salt
* 1 cup of brown sugar
* Lemon juice
* 4 large eggs

* Nuts
* 1 bottle tequila 
* 2 cups of dried fruit

Sample the tequila to check quality. 
Take a large bowl, check the tequila again. To be sure it is of the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink. Repeat. 

Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar. Beat again. 

At this point it's best to make sure the tequila is still OK. Try another cup... Just in case. 

Turn off the mixerer thingy. Break 2 eggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.

Pick the dang fruit up off floor. Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers just pry it loose with a drewscriver.

Sample the tequila to check for tonsisticity. Next, sift two cups of salt. Or something. Check the tequila. 

Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Add a spoon of sugar, or some fink.

Whatever you can find. Greash the oven. Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over. Don't forget to beat off the turner. 

Finally, throw the bowl through the window. Finish the tequila and wipe counter with the cat.

Bingle Jells!

happy holidays!

For the lost, or lefties,

Please accept, with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low-stress, non-addictive, gender-neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasion and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all. I also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the generally accepted calendar year 2009, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make Canada great. Not to imply that Canada is necessarily greater than any other country in the Western Hemisphere. And without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual preference of the wishes. By accepting these greetings you are accepting these terms. This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for herself or himself or others, and is void where prohibited by law and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher.”

for the rest......

Thank you Father God for sending your son Jesus, and happy birthday!

Merry Christmas everyone!!!

goodbye

goodbye Eeyore.
you have been loved by 2 little boys ...

you mostly stood guard for Samuel in his crib during his nap/bedtimes.  we played your heart song (that button inside its body that kids can never find) twinkle twinkle little star often, but Samuel's lovey turned out to be someone else.  I hope that didn't make you sad.


but I saved you, and its a good thing I did.


you have brought much comfort, lots of kisses & hugs, and that wonderful song of yours to Elliott for 2+ years.  he never took a binky, but he did find the tag on your bottom; chewing & sucking on that thing until there just wasn't much left.  see picture.

by the way, I never really understood when I heard other moms say their babies love tags ... I get it now; its a real obsession!



Elliott has loved you deeply ... up until he threw you in the toilet and now deems you as "eeeeeewwwww! P-U!"  his words, not mine, Eeyore.

I have washed you many times, and although your song continues to play, Elliott knows that deep down, somewhere, somehow, you're still stinky.


so with that, its time to say goodbye.

thank you for doing your job ... loving my kids.

18 of 30

earlier this morning I heard the boys playing in the other room. I could tell it was getting heated, as in, Elliott was doing something toddlers love to do, and in turn, it drives older siblings crazy. it has been a process in teaching Sam how to deal with someone who doesn't know better ... I'll just leave it at that ... but before I heard hitting &/or screaming that normally follows, I hear Sam say "it was YOUR choice not to listen Elliott!"

guess who usually says that in this house?

this afternoon, as we're doing our schoolwork, Sam says to me "will you excuse me for a minute mom?"

after that instant shock wore off, I said "of course!"

this bad mommy will admit, my manners are not quite THAT good. that is one I don't usually say (ok, I never say that) but am thankful he picked it up wherever he did!

Moms, let us try not to focus on the bazillion times we have to say things, but rather, know that it gets in there, somewhere around the 500th time is my guess. it eventually comes out into practice, this one I'd say is closer to the 1,000,000th time its said.

think of the payoff that comes. as always, it will be when you least expect it. and, its something to be thankful for.

women's health

Important Women's Health Issue:

* Do you have feelings of inadequacy?
* Do you suffer from shyness?
* Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive?
* Do you suffer exhaustion from the day to day grind?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, ask your doctor or
pharmacist about Margaritas.

Margaritas are the safe, natural way to feel better and more confident
about yourself and your actions. Margaritas can help ease you out of
your shyness and let you tell the world that you're ready and willing
to do just about anything. You will notice the benefits of Margaritas
almost immediately and with a regiment of regular doses you can
overcome any obstacles that prevent you from living the life you want
to live.

Shyness and awkwardness will be a thing of the past and you will
discover many talents you never knew you had. Stop hiding and start
living, with Margaritas.

Margaritas may not be right for everyone. Women who are pregnant or
nursing should not use Margaritas. However, women who wouldn't mind
nursing or becoming pregnant are encouraged to try it.

Side effects may include:
- Dizziness
- Nausea
- Vomiting
- Incarceration
- Erotic lustfulness
- Loss of motor control
- Loss of clothing
- Loss of money
- Loss of virginity
- Table dancing
- Headache
- Dehydration
- Dry mouth
- And a desire to sing Karaoke

WARNINGS:
* The consumption of Margaritas may make you think you are whispering
when you are not.
* The consumption of Margaritas may cause you to tell your friends over
and over again that you love them.
* The consumption of Margaritas may cause you to think you can sing.
* The consumption of Margaritas may make you think you can logically
converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.

Please share this with other women who may need Margaritas.

warrior, part II

I just checked the back side of the warrior picture and found this -

me "Sammy, what's this?"

Sam "that's the warrior going out for pizza"

me "he must've gotten hungry after his fight, huh?"

Sam "yep, pizza is soooooo good!"

awesome.

fertility

when I say I feel like a blob, this is what I mean ...

oh, to be fertile. sigh.

trick your brain

if you only read this, it will sound ridiculous

try it and tell me if this doesn't work for you.

strange, right?!

a true entrepreneur ...

A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large plastic
Garbage bags behind her. One of the bags was ripped, and every once in
Awhile, a $20 bill fell out onto the sidewalk.

Noticing this, a Policeman stopped her, and said, "Ma'am, there are $20
Bills falling Out of that bag."

"Oh, really? Darn it!" said the little old lady. "I'd better go back and
See if I can find them. Thanks for telling me officer.."

"Well, now, not so fast," said the cop. "Where did you get all that
Money? You didn't steal it, did you?"


"Oh, no, no", said the old lady. "You see, my back yard is right next to
The football stadium parking lot. On game days, a lot of fans come and
Pee through a knot hole in the fence, right into my flower garden. It used
To really tick me off. Kills the flowers, you know.

Then I thought, 'why not make the best of it?' So, now, on game days, I
Stand behind the fence by the knot hole, real quiet, with my hedge
Clippers. Every time some guy sticks his pecker through my fence, I
Surprise him, Grab hold of it and say, 'O.K., buddy! Give me $20, or off
It comes.'

"Well, that seems only fair," said the cop, laughing. "OK. Good luck!
Oh, by the way, what's in the other bag?"

"Well, you know", said the little old lady, "not everybody pays."

real men

another email ...

He will inspire her to do things she never thought she could do; to live without fear and forget regret.

He will enable her to express her deepest emotions and give in to her most intimate desires.

He will make sure she always feels as though she's the most beautiful woman in the room and will enable her to be the most confident, sexy, seductive and invincible.

No, wait... sorry... I'm thinking of wine. Never mind.

oxymoron

there are so many people that get tattoos of chinese symbols. you probably know that the chinese language is completely different than ours, using symbols to represent multiple words, sayings, and expressions.

I wonder if they think we're silly because we do that.

this is something hubby and I always wondered about ...

first we wonder if what these people get tattooed, is really what they intend. so many people go to tattoo shops and say "I want that one." our guess is that many do not do the research on the meaning and really know what their getting. what do you think?

secondly, we always wondered if we get their language tattooed on us, do they get english words tattooed on themselves?

well, I saw it for myself yesterday at the pool. a girl had "realize" tattooed on her arm. I never did talk to her; I'm sure there is a story behind it ... but isn't that kinda funny?

learn something new everyday :)

for the ladies

This is an actual letter from an Austin woman sent to American company Proctor and Gamble regarding their feminine products. She really gets rolling after the first paragraph. It's PC Magazine's 2007 editors' choice for best webmail-award-winning letter.

Dear Mr. Thatcher,
I have been a loyal user of your 'Always' maxi pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.
Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from 'the curse'? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my time of the month is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call 'an inbred hillbilly with knife skills.' Isn't the human body amazing?
As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you've no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customer's monthly visits from 'Aunt Flo'. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it's a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought the viole nt urge to shove her boyfriend's testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey's Anatomy was written by drunken chimps. Crazy!
The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants... Which brings me to the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: 'Have a Happy Period.'
Are you f------ kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing happiness, is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak, there will never be anything 'happy' about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to the local Walgreen's armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.
For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say something that's actually pertinent, like 'Put down the Hammer' or 'Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong', or are you just picking on us?
Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bullshit. And that's a promise I will keep.
Always. . .
Wendi Aarons
Austin , T X

my Samuel

Samuel is an amazing boy. his 5 short years on this Earth have transformed my life completely. it's awesome having him in my life.

he is officially a kid now. since school has began this last fall, he's constantly having new concepts and ideas, having his own thoughts and awareness, as he's becoming more independent of me. more bittersweetness.

I have read more than once, that more or less, kids form their adult personalities by the time they're 8 years old, like their sense of humor, emotional reactions, creativity, etc. have you heard that?

anyway, at 5 he is awesome. he's definitely a funny guy; we like watching AFV, he tells jokes, and just has that 5 year old silliness!

he always talks about his "light" shining - going to a christian school, it's great having that much more emphasis of God in every aspect of life, and not just from me, but other adults we know, love, and trust to be in his life. their latest lesson at school is about loving each other and all the different ways you can have your light shine. he'll do something sweet for Elliott and say to me, "mom, my light was shining!" adorable, right?!

he's smart; it's amazing how much he really is like a sponge! he can read, write, count past 100, knows ABC's in Spanish; it's truly awesome to witness - a new mind expanding.

he is insistent on prayer; I love how aware he is of what it is and when to do it. as parents, we tend to always want better for our kids than whatever it was we had or didn't have, and I often think about how he has a Godly foundation now and not when he's in his later 20's, like me. although I'm thankful for being where I'm at, I wonder how different it could've been for me if my parents were believers too.

he likes himself and is happy with everything - he's definitely a glass 1/2 full person, most kids probably are though. no fear, no responsibilities, that child-like faith ... ah, to be a kid again.

and of course, we have our bad days too, but hey, he's 5 right?!

here's a couple interesting things from just today -

this afternoon: I caught Sam coloring "his goods" today. he was a bit shocked I found him doing that and I could tell sort of embarassed, so I tried not to make a huge deal out of it. after all, he was using washable markers. hahaha! but he's colored his hands, arms, and legs before ... so should his penis really be different? not sure about that one.

tonight: we have a friend over, and he brought his almost 3 year old son too. when I told Sam we were having a slumber party tonight, he says "a slumber party means you put up balloons and take your shirt off!" hahahaha! I knew what he meant about balloons, because it's kinda like a party, but the taking your shirt off part, not sure where that one came from!

kids are so funny!

seatbelts

the other day Matthew and I each drove to town. as I was following him a cop got in between us and pulled him over. laughing at him, I pulled over too so we'd stay together. the cop came to me first, unsure of why I was there at all. so he came over, checked out the boys in the back, asked for my registration, and then asked me to pull in front of Matthew.

he then goes to Matthew and writes him a ticket for no seatbelt. he never wears his seatbelt, so its due time he gets busted for it. in CO it is not law to wear a helmet while riding a motorcycle, which drives him crazy! "so if you can legally unprotect yourself that way, then who cares if I wear my seatbelt?!"

then the cop comes back to my car and starts talking to Sam. turns out Sam had the lap part of the belt on but not the chest strap. guess what? I got a ticket for that! whatever. so he EVENTUALLY comes back with my information, my lovely ticket and I sign away.

do you have any idea how much a seatbelt ticket is? I always thought it was $20ish, for a first offense. $86.50!! as a family, we got 2 of those in a matter of 5 seconds. whatever!

Backfire

A teenage boy had just passed his driving test and inquired of his father as to when they could discuss
his use of the car.

His father said he'd make a deal with his son: 'You bring your grades up from a C to a B average, study your Bible a little, and get your hair cut. Then we'll talk about the car.'

The boy thought about that for a moment, decided he'd settle for the offer, and they agreed on it.

After about six weeks his father said, 'Son, you've brought your grades up and I've observed that you have been studying your Bible, but I'm disappointed you haven't had your hair cut.

The boy said, 'You know, Dad, I've been thinking about that, and I've noticed in my studies of the Bible that Samson had long hair, John the Baptist had long hair, Moses had long hair...and there's even strong evidence that Jesus had long hair.'

You're going to love the Dad's reply:

To this his father replied, 'Did you also notice they all walked everywhere they went?'