... its just apart of life ...

bedtime is a usual battle of the wills in our house.  your house too?
sometimes its just 1 or 2 times of me saying "ok, so what is our bedtime rule again?"  and unanimously they say "stay in bed"  so they get it ... but do they care?  other nights its more like 10-20 times.  sigh.


last night, after the usual 1-2 time lecture, Samuel comes out crying.  I knew it wasn't his "hurt cry," it wasn't his "freak out, I'm scared cry," it was one I wasn't too familiar with.  how funny, he's 6 1/2 years old and here's new one.


he comes out to hug me tightly and says, "mom, I don't want you to ever leave me.  I don't want you to die."  my heart instantly breaks.
I do my best to reassure him that part of my purpose for being alive is to be his mommy.  "God has a plan," is what I kept telling him, and reminded him of why we are thankful every night in our prayers for THIS day.


he has asked about death before, but without much concern.  for whatever reason he has taken it one step further.
I suppose I could look at it in a good way; he's thinking, he's applying principles and following through ... sort of.  but of course we all know where that "what-if thinking" gets us ... usually unnecessary anxiety.


I can't help but think of my favorite movie - Forrest Gump - and recite those words his mother told him as she lay in bed with cancer.  "death is just apart of life.  its something we're all destined to do."
I wouldn't say I'm comfortable with death, but when I think of it as the way God designed it, it brings a little more peace.  yes it will be sad to leave my loved ones, and enter in to an unknown, BUT I do look forward to meeting my Creator.


my 2 cents -
unless there is some freak accident, I don't have the sense my time to go is anytime soon. I have been told so many stories of that 6th sense kicking in when their time is near ... to me, that 6th sense is from God and its more than just a voice inside your head.




how have you handled the "death talk" with your kids?

funny boy

I start the kids' bedtime routine early most nights, like 7-730pm.

They share a room together (most nights a bed too), so I do this to get them to calm down a bit, and then I can hang out with them, read, play I Spy or 20 Questions for awhile.

tonight we're laying there and I ask them "if you could be any animal, what would you be?"

Sam goes through a bunch of different ones, and then

"I want to be a black momma"

"what?!"

"a snake of course"

"Sam, there is no snake called a black momma"

as if I misunderstood, he says -

"no, not A black mama the person, but THE black momma the snake"

"you're crazy.  there is no black momma snake"

"yes mom.  I wanna be a black momma!"

too funny.

so after I put them in bed and went to google just to find out what he's thinking about

fyi - its a black mamba :)

future pilot?

I found this meme this morning, and coincidentally, I had been looking through some older photos just the other day.

I have many favorites, but this one has to be in my top 5!

this is my second son Elliott.

this picture is from the fall of 2008, he is 6ish months old.

clearly, he is not a fan of flying!

here he is today.  almost 3 years old.

if you took him "flying" again, he'd scream with joy!

Visit Yellow Songbird for more photos!

tuesday ramblings

its Tuesday morning coffee time ... but all that really means is that this post is totally random things on my mind while having my almost perfect coffee.

its only almost perfect because I'm out of my vanilla creamer, which is my fav!!  on the plus side, it IS 100% Kona made in my french press ... 2 out of 3 is not bad.

the latest news around here - the (little) boys and I are heading to Cali.  SoCal first to stay with my parents for awhile, probably through April, then off to NorCal to stay with my in-laws for another month or so.  its make it our break it time here in Hawaii.  there has been no paycheck for 8 months and it may be time to get out.  I have mixed feelings about the whole thing ... of course there is more drama to this, but I'll leave it at this. 

*any Cali friends reading this, we'll be in touch *

some good news - when in Cali, I'll be taking an ASP training seminar.  I will be an Accredited Staging Professional.  This fits me.  finally, I think I really found something that fits me.  to that I say HALLELUJAH!!  if you're curious about home staging, just ask.  I'm sure I'll post more on this in the future.

possible good news ... for me - we've met someone here to re-do my tattoo, but we've been missing each other for months.  now that I have plane tickets outta here, we're meeting on Friday to see if it can be done before we leave.  the tattoo I have, I think I got it the day I turned 18 ... or close to that.  I like it, but I've outgrown it somehow.  

years ago I looked into laser to get it removed.  I was told that green is THE MOST DIFFICULT color to remove.  well, that figures.  my tattoo is a green vine with flowers ... all the way around my thigh.  so its on the big side and the very noticeable side.

I want another type of green vine, with flowers, but with just 1 or 2 colors along with the green.  I have a larger flower on the outside of my leg - think about how you cross your legs when sitting - I want the larger flower to be out there still, but with a butterfly or something that will have my kids' initials &/or birthdays hidden in there.

I'm REALLY hoping I can get it done before April 6th!!

happy no matter what

as I type, my boys are watching The Sandlot.  love it.  very similar to Stand By Me; love that one too.  at the ending I always get choked up as the narartor tells you where all the boys ended up in life.  some make it big, others don't.  but then there is that last scene where they rewind time again to the boys as kids, reminding you what they went through to get to where they're going. 

I WISH I had a picture of all my girls from back in the day.  we spent EVERY SINGLE DAY together during the summer.  it was a blast!  we even all signed up for tennis lessons together one year ... and then we all had a crush on our tall, dark, & handsome instructor.  hahaha!  I love those girls, and I would definitely not be who I am today without them .... just like these movies.  I wish we could all hang out together again, if for just one night.

enough randomness for this morning ... have a great day!

ch-ch-changes

making some bloggy changes ... just because

something about the new year makes you want to

clean, organize, refocus, and change it up ... just me?

which would you rather have -

a change button?

or

an easy button?

... hhhhhmmmmmmmmm ...

3, 2, 1, go!

goodbye 2010 ... hello 2011


do you say twenty-eleven?  or two thousand eleven?
just curious.


here's my list of resolutions, goals, and things I want to do this year ..

• like everyone else, I'd like to drop another 20 pounds.  and the obvious ways to do it are to eat more fruits & veggies, less processed crap, more exercise, more exercise, and more exercise!  I'd like to work on my baby gut.  you know what I'm talking about ... that part of you belly that was never there before, but even 2 1/2 years after you last baby, its still there.  ugh.  I was never thin, never had a flat stomach let alone ANY muscle definition, and I don't even want that now.  well, ok, I'd take it if someone could just hand it to me!  but lately, I look in the mirror and that's all I see.   I'm going to start simple and do 50 sit ups a day ... is that too much?  25 maybe?  so nevermind the number, just make it a habit to do some everyday.
• drink more water!  I rarely drink soda, so I'm good there.  my problem is that I just don't drink, anything.  I can eat a meal without a drink at all.  is that strange?  when I do that too often, the headaches come.  those are not fun.  plus drinking more water will help me lose weight too.
• floss daily & wear my lovely retainer regularly ... hey, its better than having to get braces again!  almost anything would be better than that!
• start volunteering again somewhere, this time with Sam.  if possible, with Elliott too.
• start a garden of anything edible, on my little patio if need be
• get some guts and go get a brazilian.  and live to tell about it. seriously.
• take a surfing lesson.  and live to tell about that too.
• make it or break it with Avon
• start working again in the design world somewhere.  I still hoping for something great to come from this home-staging class I'm taking.
• get my tattoo redone, finally.
• I really want to go home to see my fellow cheeseheads.  I miss my cheese!  this year will be, dare I say, 15 years since I've graduated ... is there ever 15 year reunions?  or is it every 10?  well, it'd would be a good excuse to go ... of course I wasn't huge on school spirit, but still, there are a few people I'd like to see and catch up with.
• get good at finding & using coupons, AND, taking advantage of the loop holes to save lots of money.  have you seen that show on TLC about coupons?  this guy had a total of nearly $6,000, seriously, and after using all his coupons, his total was $250.  I would not have believed it if I didn't see it myself.  good grief!  now those people just buy whatever because they can get a screaming deal, often free, but I don't have the space in my home or the time to invest to get a huge stockpile going.  I know it can be simple, and I know I can do it for items we actually use &/or need.
• I want to learn to use my camera, like REALLY use my camera.  I know I have a nicer one (Nikon D40), the nicest one I've ever had anyway, and, I'm embarrassed to say, all I use is the automatic setting.  I have funny kid moments to catch, beautiful Hawaii to capture, and I want to be ready!

that's what I've got so far ... good list?


ok, I realize, its on the selfish side. digging deeper, I've noticed that I have made it a habit to rely on a certain someone else to make sure I'm taken care of, with things like on this list.  obviously no one can physically do most of this stuff but me, but I needed someone else to make the time so I COULD do it.  since the beginning, my schedule had revolved around someone else's ... and now its 3 someone else's.  in all honesty, to be positive, to stay positive, if mama isn't taken care of, everyone else will feel it.  if mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy ... there is some truth to that!

what's on your list?

fertility

when I say I feel like a blob, this is what I mean ...

oh, to be fertile. sigh.

trick your brain

if you only read this, it will sound ridiculous

try it and tell me if this doesn't work for you.

strange, right?!

lately

another golden rule to live by ... perhaps?

the end

ps. Laura, I'm feel ya.

a true entrepreneur ...

A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large plastic
Garbage bags behind her. One of the bags was ripped, and every once in
Awhile, a $20 bill fell out onto the sidewalk.

Noticing this, a Policeman stopped her, and said, "Ma'am, there are $20
Bills falling Out of that bag."

"Oh, really? Darn it!" said the little old lady. "I'd better go back and
See if I can find them. Thanks for telling me officer.."

"Well, now, not so fast," said the cop. "Where did you get all that
Money? You didn't steal it, did you?"


"Oh, no, no", said the old lady. "You see, my back yard is right next to
The football stadium parking lot. On game days, a lot of fans come and
Pee through a knot hole in the fence, right into my flower garden. It used
To really tick me off. Kills the flowers, you know.

Then I thought, 'why not make the best of it?' So, now, on game days, I
Stand behind the fence by the knot hole, real quiet, with my hedge
Clippers. Every time some guy sticks his pecker through my fence, I
Surprise him, Grab hold of it and say, 'O.K., buddy! Give me $20, or off
It comes.'

"Well, that seems only fair," said the cop, laughing. "OK. Good luck!
Oh, by the way, what's in the other bag?"

"Well, you know", said the little old lady, "not everybody pays."

never-ending laundry

one reason to get excited about moving from an apartment to a house, is having your very own washer and dryer. I miss it.

• it's always available when you need it
• you don't have to lug it down the street, always hoping your underwear doesn't fly out
• you don't have to worry about someone stealing your clothes since you live a mile away from the machines
• no one will move them for you, and touch all your underwear
• and the big one, you don't have to put in quarters every time you use it!!

yes, I have "a thing" about other people's underwear ... just don't do it!

well, I'm in a condo again. all the above reasons still apply.

however, in Hawaii ...

• no one is pushy. they don't move your stuff for you. instead it seems, they will just come back later and not be mad about it.
• no one cares if your underwear goes flying. they will pick it up for you ... luckily it wasn't mine; Sam's superhero undies went flying in the wind, and also luckily, it was another mom who got them for me. :)
• and its just $1/machine ... which every place I lived at in CA it was at least $1.50/machine

I've come to love the fact that I can get 4 loads done in the same time it takes to do 1... and that makes me supermom!

of course, I still have to lug it all over there. ugh.

be thankful for your washer and dryer today!

leaving christianity

can one really leave christianity?

I used to not think so, but I read this entertainment blog (which by the way, I NEVER do! I saw the title and it intrigued me.) and I thought she explained it just about perfectly.

Ann Rice fan? check it out.

real men

another email ...

He will inspire her to do things she never thought she could do; to live without fear and forget regret.

He will enable her to express her deepest emotions and give in to her most intimate desires.

He will make sure she always feels as though she's the most beautiful woman in the room and will enable her to be the most confident, sexy, seductive and invincible.

No, wait... sorry... I'm thinking of wine. Never mind.

doggie sweetness

an email forwarded from my mom, the dog lover ...

Being a veterinarian, I had been called to examine a 10 yr old Irish Wolfhound named Belker.

The dog’s owners, Ron, his wife Lisa, and their little boy Shane were all very attached to Belker, and they were hoping for a miracle.

I examined Belker and found he was dying of cancer. I told the family we couldn’t do anything for Belker and offered to perform the euthanasia procedure in their home for the old dog.

As we made arrangements, Ron & Lisa told me they thought it would be good for their 4 yr old son Shane to observe the procedure. They felt Shane might learn something from the experience.

The next day, I felt the familiar catch in my throat as Belker’s family surrounded him. Shane seemed so calm, petting the old dog for the last time, that I wondered if he understood what was going on. Within a few minutes, Belker slipped peacefully away. Shane seemed to accept Belker’s transition without any difficulty or confusion.

We sat together for awhile after Belker’s death, wondering aloud about the sad fact that animal lives are shorter than human lives.

Shane, who had been listening quietly, piped up, “I know why.”

Startled, we all turned to him. What came out of his mouth next stunned me. I’d never heard a more comforting explanation.

He said, “People are born so that they can learn how to live a good life --- like loving everybody all the time and being nice, right?” He continued, “Well, dogs already know how to do that, so they don’t have to stay as long.”

That’s truly amazing, and from the perspective of a 4 yr old!

Remember, if a dog was the teacher you would learn stuff like:

When a loved one comes home, always run to greet them.

Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride.

Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure ecstasy.

Take naps.

Stretch before rising.

Run, romp, and play daily.

Thrive on attention and let people touch you.

Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.

On warm days, stop to lie on your back on the grass.

On hot days, drink lots of water and lie under a shady tree.

When you’re happy, dance around and wag your entire body.

Delight in the joy of a long walk.

Eat with gusto and enthusiasm. Stop when you have had enough.

Be loyal. Never pretend to be something you’re not.

If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it.

When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by and nuzzle them gently.

Hawaii tidbits

things I've learned this past month -

* do not shop at the local mom & pop shop on the corner. soooooo ridiculously expensive! so far, Costco is the best place; fairly close to what we were paying on the mainland. its probably about $1 more per item.

* a partly furnished place means it comes with a stove, fridge, and maybe a washer/dryer.

* a cottage is a free standing house and an ohana (Hawaiian for family) is an apartment attached to the main house. however an ohana isn't necessarily small, its just connected, so usually you'd be sharing a yard and parking.

* duplexes here are usually top and bottom, not side to side.

* not all, but MANY Hawaiians do not like white people, going back to how the US obtained HI in the first place. we are "howlies," a special name for white people like me, more like stupid white people. ha! basically the same as the spanish word "gringo." white people that don't know the language, the islands (geographically), and overall, just ignorant about the culture and history. I have just gotten "the looks," but last week, Matt was told he couldn't park in a particular spot because flat out, he's white.

* NEVER miss the opportunity to get a parking pass if you're in or around downtown. what a nightmare parking can be! also, if you don't know how to parallel park, like me, you will be forced to learn. it hasn't been fun.

* if you ever move out here, it is best to come with as little as possible. I'm now glad we couldn't afford a container to bring all our stuff; it would've been impossible.

* its too bad I don't like fish. you can fish for free here!

more to come, I'm sure.

Saturday randomness

- I do not like hazelnut creamer

- I 90% sure I'd love it in Hawaii ... we have't officially decided yet

- I wish I could have as much fun with a cardboard box as Elliott does

- I was up for the sunrise today. doing it because you want to is much different than doing it because your crying baby needs to eat and you're sleep deprived already ... boy, those days were tough for me

- I love how the Holy Spirit works

- someone made a comment that was meant to insult me the other day, but it honestly is a compliment. how often does that happen?!

- blue really is my favorite color; what's yours?

- it's great to have friends, even if it is just a few. and it's also great to have people in your life to where whenever you talked last, it's like it was yesterday, and you pick up right where you left off. I experienced both just yesterday.

- I am happy to say that I'm doing great at letting tomorrow worry about itself; worry has always been a struggle for me. not entirely sure what happened ... see #6

- it always feels good to de-junk, you never really need 1/2 the stuff you have

- yay, it's Saturday and we're having a bbq

around the world

aloha! back from Hawaii ... and of course missing it. hubby and I had a fun trip; we opted to play the way we wanted, instead the way kids would want. we did mostly touristy stuff, but it was still fun. we are the type of people to visit somewhere and do what they do, more to learn the culture then to just do stuff we can do at home. we tried to not be the typical tourist anyway, but it's hard not to take lots of pictures when you've never been there before.

I highly recommend every couple take a trip without kids! it did feel like we were dating again, going to do whatever, whenever. it was great.

our youngest is close to 2 years, so he was good to hang with gramma for the week. actually they both did great; I don't think the boys missed us too much.

if you know my husband, you know he's always thinking. before we got on the plane to come home, he's thinking and researching the cost of living in Hawaii, what he would do for work, where we would live ... "hypothetically" of course. :)

but let me just say how funny life works out the way it does, or rather, how God sets you up. let me explain - as it is here in CO, this business is somewhat fizzling out. not a complete failure (as past endevors have been) there are still some options, but nothing concrete. of course we need money to live, so something has to work out, right? he's doing what he does because it's a job, not because he loves it and is making it his life. being the entrepenuer he is, he always has ideas and there is never one that stands out.

as it sits, we cannot stay where we are. it was a mistake. to me, a big mistake because I seriously hate to move. I don't take it lightly at all, and I lose sleep over it. you'd think the amount of times we've moved, that I would be used to it, or not mind it at all, but on the contrary. I hate it. I hate it more now that we have kids. I don't know what it's suppose to be like for them; I moved only once as a kid when I was 9. but on the other hand I know that as long as we're together, focused on what God has for us, then the rest doesn't matter.

Since we've been married -

we started out in Mission Viejo, CA where we met

moved to San Clemente, CA because it was cheaper

moved to Newport Beach, CA because it was closer to his work at the car dealership and closer to my school for interior design

moved to NorCal in Portola, CA for a ministry his parents were starting

ministry fell through and since we were attending college in Reno, NV, we moved there

being full time students, we moved again to be much closer to the university in Reno, NV

I became pregnant with Samuel and out of the blue, we were contacted from a long-lost family member on Matt's side. his mother was heir to a piece of property back in Oroville, CA. she has been dead for sometime, so Matt was the next heir to it. it was free, and with a new baby coming, we couldn't say no.

here is where we starting having major marital problems. he stayed in Oroville, CA and I moved to Chico, CA. then he moved to Chico and we got back together. didn't work, so I moved out again in Chico. then we got back together for good, and so I moved into his Chico place.

are you following me? I'm not done yet.

real estate market crashed, so no more work. an opportunity presented itself back in SoCal with a friend, so off we went to Corona, CA. by this time, I was pregnant with Elliott.

this opportunity also crashed and burned, so with no money we had to lean on his parents and that means off to Colorado Springs, CO. lived with them until we got set up, finally got our own place, work fell through again, so back to his parents basement. his parents moved back to NorCal themselves, so we had to find something. God made a way and we moved to this house in Divide, CO. and here we are now, having to do it again.

we have been talking and researching areas to go to be "off the grid." we (when I say we, I mean Matthew. me too, but it doesn't bother me near as much.) do not want to be governed as much as the world has to be today. so many rules & regulations. so many stupid covenants. everywhere you turn there is something, so we want out. ideally we'd like to be more self sustaining, which means living more off the land. living in a home we've built, possibly an earthship. not being dependent on the government for anything, using solar energy for our electricity, having a well for water, having animals & gardens for food. a modern farm, if you will.

we were originally thinking Montana or Wyoming, but after visiting Hawaii we realize how much easier it would be to do what we want there. going north will have harsh winters, which we're discovering we aren't in love with the cold, plus the growing season is SO much shorter. we are not skiers or snowboarders, so winter is a hibernation period for us. boredom hits quickly, not to mention, it's so easy to gain weight since we're not doing much.

Oahu is the #1 tourist spot, as well as, 80% of Hawaii's residents live there. so if just the remaining 20% is spread throughout the other islands, that is much more suitable for us. Oahu was just like SoCal, traffic and all. we have a friend living on Kauai; he tells us Kauai is more for farming, more isolated and rural. for us, the Big Island would probably be best. there are still plenty of jobs but also remote areas for farming. lots of research yet to do.

we are realizing that work is just work, it's a way to make money. we're still waiting on God to really show us what we are to do, not just with this move, but overall in this life. yes we are a walking ministry, but we both seem to know that a focus is yet to come, like help feed the homeless, get heavily involved with a church, or whatever. waiting on God, just waiting. :) easier said than done.

I'm convinced that we need some kind of confirmation before doing this. a word from God in some way, shape, or form. I don't to get stuck in "the grass is always greener" mentality. we have to have more of a reason to do this than just wanting to do this.

of course I love the idea living there. to go snorkeling everyday with the kids, swimming with the fish & sea turtles ... which by the way I saw one while we were there; sooooo cool! if I'm doing homeschooling, then who cares where we're at. what an experience for us all, right?!

long post, sorry, I had to get this off my chest. pics to come soon.

leave me a comment and tell me what you think.

what you REALLY think, because considering our track record, we appear a bit crazy. but I also know, that to the world believers are crazy, so I can't rely on that aspect so much.

I am a big believer that actions speak louder than words and for whatever reason, we are in a season of discovering where we want to be, but more importantly, trying to discover where God wants us. with all our moves, there was always a good reason. this time we need God's reason. please pray for us, we need some clarity on this one!!

Backfire

A teenage boy had just passed his driving test and inquired of his father as to when they could discuss
his use of the car.

His father said he'd make a deal with his son: 'You bring your grades up from a C to a B average, study your Bible a little, and get your hair cut. Then we'll talk about the car.'

The boy thought about that for a moment, decided he'd settle for the offer, and they agreed on it.

After about six weeks his father said, 'Son, you've brought your grades up and I've observed that you have been studying your Bible, but I'm disappointed you haven't had your hair cut.

The boy said, 'You know, Dad, I've been thinking about that, and I've noticed in my studies of the Bible that Samson had long hair, John the Baptist had long hair, Moses had long hair...and there's even strong evidence that Jesus had long hair.'

You're going to love the Dad's reply:

To this his father replied, 'Did you also notice they all walked everywhere they went?'

Keep Your INSANITY

Ways to maintain a healthy level of INSANITY

1. At lunch, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars.

See if they don't slow down.

2. Page yourself over the intercom.

Don't disguise your voice.

3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.

4. Put decaf in the coffee makes for 3 weeks.

Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.

5. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for marijuana."

6. Skip down the hall rather than walk and see how many looks you get.

7. Order a diet water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.

8. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."

9. Sing along at the opera.

10. 5 days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you have headache.

11. When the money comes out of the ATM, scream "I WON!"

12. When leaving the zoo, start running toward the parking lot yelling "RUN FOR YOUR LVES! THEY'RE LOOSE!"

13. Tell you children over dinner, "due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."

14. Pick up a box of condoms at the pharmacy, go to the counter and ask where the fitting room is.

blog cuteness

why is it so difficult to choose a blog template?!

I'm sure it's just me

there are so many cute ones!

so how is it reading white text?

this is taking me over an hour to do.

seriously.

I may have a problem.

if you are under a rock

(like I was)

check this out for your blog!

and then let me know how much time it took you :)