life

what a roller coaster ride this life is. although for me, part of it is being married to the man that I am!! but God brought us together for a reason ... I find that out more each and every day.

thinking of who I was years ago, I could not of have had a clue where my life would end up. I never had anything planned. I always knew I'd get married, but never had a certain prince charming in mind. I thought for sure I'd be a working woman, but didn't know where. I knew I'd have kids one day, but didn't think about how many or if they'd be boys are girls. I just knew life would happen, and work itself out somehow.

reading that you'd probably think I'm a very go-with-the-flow type person. naturally, I'm really not. I'm definitely a creature of habit. Change usually rubs me the wrong way. When I/we go out, I like to know where I'm going a plan a bit instead of driving around aimlessly. I have my moments, but I am not usually spontaneous. I'm conservative. I dislike surprises. I'm much more of a by-the-book type. honestly, I would consider myself somewhat boring. so think of the exact opposite of all that, and you have my husband!

as life would have it, I married an extrovert while I am a stay-at-home mom with 2 boys. I would never have pictured myself in these shoes. funny how God works things out, isn't it?

I have married a man who would rather try and fail than to wonder "what if" the rest of his life. for the first half of our marriage I hated him for that; so willing to drag me along on another escapade no matter the outcome. now I applaud him for embracing change, for wanting a better life, a life that will really give him and his family purpose. he is not your 9 to 5 kind of guy; he is an entrepreneur and his mind is creative while always thinking outside the box.

I've struggled for many years on what my purpose is here in this life. still kind of do. but I'm realizing that because I haven't ever been REALLY passionate for something, that I could adapt to almost anything. and with the multiple moves we've made, along with the various job opportunities hubby has had, change has become apart of my life.

I always wished I knew what I wanted to be when I grew up. some people do, and I envy that. some people have beautiful, natural, God-given gifts and it's ridiculously apparent what they should do with their lives; that I envy even more. but this isn't me.

not totally sure where all this is coming from. just some self-discovery venting here, you don't mind, right? there must be change on the horizon ... or I'm jinxing myself. either way, change is inevitable. bring it.

installing a husband

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.
In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such asNBA 5.0,NFL 3.0 andGolf Clubs 4.1.
Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.
Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail. What can I do?

Signed,
Desperate.


DEAR DESPERATE,

First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.
Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme.html, try to download Tears 6.2, and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update.
If those applications work as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.
However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1.
Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Farting and Snoring Loudly Beta.
Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)
In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. This is an unsupported application and will crash Husband 1.0.
In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly.
You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommendCooking 3.0 and Hot Lingerie 7.7.

Good Luck!
Tech Support

say cheese ... achoo!

I forgot to post pictures!

we never did get a nice one of both of us, oh well.

we had a fun day together anyway.

Sam loves his Papa!

I think this is a great picture of my big boy Sam.  he's growing up, even faster now that he's a big brother.  he's so smart and very funny.  he loves people and loves to talk up a storm, just like his Papa!  I'm anxious to see if Eli will be more like me.

I tried to get one of us, but Matthew had to sneeze.  I [obviously] took the picture anyway.  it was funny ... maybe you had to be there!

love is in the air ... and engraved in the sidewalk.

love you babe.  happy anniversary!

here's to 8 more ... at least!

crazy 8's

yesterday was our 8 year wedding anniversary. wow! I can't decide if it feels longer or shorter ... probably longer since we've been through so much. I feel accomplished in a way; it's great when you can actually learn from your mistakes and get on with your life. our marriage is probably our greatest testimony, a true miracle of what only God can do.

I'll be skipping some of the details and give you the shortened version - sorry!

we started out like all the others, with high expectations of each other. for our first 5 years, we were constantly expecting too much and assuming everything. we didn't communicate, and it literally tore us apart. we each felt perfectly justified and so neither one of us would change. we were perfect in our own eyes. and oh boy, the words that left our mouths! it was nasty, it was completely inappropriate and disrespectful, it was abuse. it did more than scar, it made gaping wounds in our hearts and brought complete distrust between us. he got short-tempered and angry, I got resentful and heartbroken, crying non-stop.

by our 6th year of marriage we split up, not once but twice. after the second time, we were ready to sign divorce papers. only two reasons why we didn't; no money to do it but more importantly, we had Sam. I did lots individual counseling, we tried couples counseling, nothing was working. our hearts were so hard and numb. the only thing I could cling to was I knew in my heart of hearts that God would not have given us Sam if our marriage was going to fail ... even though this happens to couples all the time. everything else about us was up in the air, but this is the one thing I KNEW. this year was VERY difficult, everything was so volatile and that made it scary.

it's not so ironic that during this time we were not in church at all. I started attending before hubby did, but eventually he came too. our church at the time (zion worship center) was able to help us tremendously. we got connected with great people who genuinely wanted nothing more than to see our marriage healed; more than we did!! over time we realize how far, far, far, far, far God was from the center of our relationship. as much as we would say we believe in Him and His Word, we never actually applied it to our marriage. duh, right? God went to work on us, as individuals, and then as a couple. we were able to take responsibility for our part in the abuse. our hearts were healed and we were able to forgive each other. truly amazing.

this time last year was exciting, we were able to renew our wedding vows to each other on our 7th anniversary. we figured as dead as our marriage was, we needed to start over in every way. I wish I had some pictures of that night to post. we took pictures, but they're just not digital.
the way I see it, God has used Sam to save us. our problems didn't come out into the light until we became parents that first time. I used to feel just awful about the possible effects this would have on Sam in the future; how much would he really remember? but since God gave me Hebrews 1:14, specifically about Sam (I think I posted about that before), I'm at total peace about it. I believe Sam was our angel, literally here to save us. so in our 7th year, or sometimes I think of it as the new and improved 1st year, I became pregnant with baby #2. we had fallen in love again and God blessed us with Eli.
I am more than happy to say we haven't gone back to our old ways. we put in a lot of effort to be a team, to talk it out, and to be responsible everyday. we've incorporated prayer into our marriage and that alone has helped incredibly.

and to the girls who know the details ...
Morgan, have I ever really thanked you for all you did for me? THANK YOU!!!! you are an incredible woman of God and I was blessed to have you as my mommy. :) you were always looking out for me, making sure I stayed on the path God was lighting up for me. it's no coincidence we got connected. I truly value what you have done for me, and it's something I will never forget. I hope I can pass on the same blessing to someone else someday.
and to Laura, thank you for being you. you're very sincere and honest, and I always felt your compassion. there are many things you said to me that came at the perfect time, just ingrained in my mind forever. it's no coincidence we got connected either. I appreciate every hug and prayer from the both of you. I love you girls, you helped me change my life forever.

July 4th

Happy 4th of July!

One day, I would looooove to be in Washington DC for the 4th. I would think they have THE best fireworks show in the country. anyone reading ever been?

Hubby and I originally wanted to get married on the 4th. how cool would that be to have fireworks on your anniversary every year?! we also wanted to get married outside and there was no way to reserve the park on a national holiday. we were married on the 8th, so close enough! I'll [hopefully] post some pictures next week, celebrating 8 crazy years together!