there is a reason I have not picked up my camera in ages, but that storm cloud that consistently follows me around has taken away all my light. and then that a-ha hits ... why in the world would I want to document this season of my life? the IT, the problem, seems to be this certainty of the unexpected, of the stress, of that depressive cloud that I pretend is not there. I don't have IT all together.
its so ugly.
with a dash of optimism, but little hope.
where my smile is forced because 2 little somebodies are watching.
I'm not in a total slump. I do smile naturally still. I have my kids; we have cozy beds & food in the fridge. there are of course many things to be thankful for, and I can name them all.
going through the motions of everyday life, when emotionally you want to cry every last tear and then scream as loud as you possibly can, it a difficult task most days. do you know this feeling?
having these 2 littles are motivation enough. they are worth it all, without a doubt.
intellectually I can tell you that that alone is enough to pick up the camera. my ugliness should not/does not take away from them being the silly & cute kids they are and that I ought to taking pictures of that silliness & cuteness. right? right?!
but emotionally, its just plain difficult. I carry my camera around with me, and usually come home realizing I still didn't take one. and its a digital! its not like its a waste of film anymore.
so, it just is what it is right now. its a bummer, but somehow although I'm the only one to change it, I cannot. its a strange place to be in.
with a dash of optimism, but little hope.
where my smile is forced because 2 little somebodies are watching.
I'm not in a total slump. I do smile naturally still. I have my kids; we have cozy beds & food in the fridge. there are of course many things to be thankful for, and I can name them all.
going through the motions of everyday life, when emotionally you want to cry every last tear and then scream as loud as you possibly can, it a difficult task most days. do you know this feeling?
having these 2 littles are motivation enough. they are worth it all, without a doubt.
intellectually I can tell you that that alone is enough to pick up the camera. my ugliness should not/does not take away from them being the silly & cute kids they are and that I ought to taking pictures of that silliness & cuteness. right? right?!
but emotionally, its just plain difficult. I carry my camera around with me, and usually come home realizing I still didn't take one. and its a digital! its not like its a waste of film anymore.
so, it just is what it is right now. its a bummer, but somehow although I'm the only one to change it, I cannot. its a strange place to be in.
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