ever-changing

In the midst of change, I get attacked by my family. no one approves.

my christian family has nothing but encouraging, supportive words.

hhmmmm, coincidence? I think not.

before I was a believer, I too hated change. I was somehow taught that change = bad. you're out of your comfort zone, not fully knowing what will happen and when, less in control, and left with worry or anxiety about it.

here I am, 10 years in my walk now, and I have a comfort and peace that can only come from God. I still dislike change, but I've come to realize the value of change. and it really is valuable.

how can you grow without getting up from that comfort zone? the answer - you can't.

can you ever really have total control? the answer - not ever possible

why worry about tomorrow when it's not even here yet? the answer - just don't

when do you stop changing? is there a certain, special age that we mentally stop? now, I'm thinking of a person, such as myself, one that didn't grow up with God and without [most] of His teachings. what happened to me? somewhere along the way, I stopped learning and growing. as a child, I don't think you know you're growing spiritually, even though you are. now for my boys, having 2 believing parents, they may not know right this second, but as the years continue and they take in our wisdom [along with God's, of course] they have the foundation from the start; it's the format to never stop growing, never stop changing, and being able to look back and recognize it for what it really is. as an adult, I can see where God was in some areas of my life, but my foundation was in 2 non-believers, which ultimately skewed God's perspective in my life. it simply wasn't there.

so as far as Hawaii goes, we're in. the finances and the details are still being worked out, but as of now, we are going to go for it. and like I said, no one likes that we're doing this.

I wrote an email to my mother explaining our situation [again]. this time I think I got out what I wanted to say, with the right words. I lack the right ones more often than not, so mom, I'm glad you like this response ... and I hope you don't mind me sharing it. for any friends & family reading, I hope this helps you too. here it is:

In a way we are nomads, because we are still searching for the right place to call home. It’s one of those things you know when you get there. In another way, we are missionaries. As a christian, you do have a ministry and it goes wherever you do. But what if we were? With a church, traveling around the world? And yes kids would come too. I don’t think you’d be happy with that either.

My needs are met. My desires have been not met at times, but we are not in that place anymore. I don’t know how many times I have to tell you that. Our marriage is healed, it’s been made whole again. We communicate, we trust each other, and we make decisions together.
God is our stability, and that is what we are teaching our boys. Where we live, how we get money is circumstancial. There is a bigger picture, and it’s so much bigger mom!! Think about it, what REALLY matters in life? For us, it’s God and each other, and what a bonus, we could live in paradise too.

So let me explain -
We have been talking and wanting to live greener, as in sustainable farming. Grow most of our food and get off “the system.” yes you could do that anywhere, but after visiting Hawaii we thought, wow everything will grow here and very easily too. In Colorado, it would take more effort. We would need more time for education, more money for greenhouses, even with a greenhouse there is still an off season to growing. In Hawaii, you start now and it never ends. No extra heating for the chickens. The cost of living out there is not extreme. Lots of agricultural land is available and not ridiculously expensive. So why not???? That’s the beauty of homeshool, the greatness of having flexibility, and the security in God to take care of us.

I appreciate you looking out for my best interests, that’s what a good parent does. However, you don’t see the world the same way I do. Until the day I die, or you die, I will continue to try and show you how God works. :)