life

what a roller coaster ride this life is. although for me, part of it is being married to the man that I am!! but God brought us together for a reason ... I find that out more each and every day.

thinking of who I was years ago, I could not of have had a clue where my life would end up. I never had anything planned. I always knew I'd get married, but never had a certain prince charming in mind. I thought for sure I'd be a working woman, but didn't know where. I knew I'd have kids one day, but didn't think about how many or if they'd be boys are girls. I just knew life would happen, and work itself out somehow.

reading that you'd probably think I'm a very go-with-the-flow type person. naturally, I'm really not. I'm definitely a creature of habit. Change usually rubs me the wrong way. When I/we go out, I like to know where I'm going a plan a bit instead of driving around aimlessly. I have my moments, but I am not usually spontaneous. I'm conservative. I dislike surprises. I'm much more of a by-the-book type. honestly, I would consider myself somewhat boring. so think of the exact opposite of all that, and you have my husband!

as life would have it, I married an extrovert while I am a stay-at-home mom with 2 boys. I would never have pictured myself in these shoes. funny how God works things out, isn't it?

I have married a man who would rather try and fail than to wonder "what if" the rest of his life. for the first half of our marriage I hated him for that; so willing to drag me along on another escapade no matter the outcome. now I applaud him for embracing change, for wanting a better life, a life that will really give him and his family purpose. he is not your 9 to 5 kind of guy; he is an entrepreneur and his mind is creative while always thinking outside the box.

I've struggled for many years on what my purpose is here in this life. still kind of do. but I'm realizing that because I haven't ever been REALLY passionate for something, that I could adapt to almost anything. and with the multiple moves we've made, along with the various job opportunities hubby has had, change has become apart of my life.

I always wished I knew what I wanted to be when I grew up. some people do, and I envy that. some people have beautiful, natural, God-given gifts and it's ridiculously apparent what they should do with their lives; that I envy even more. but this isn't me.

not totally sure where all this is coming from. just some self-discovery venting here, you don't mind, right? there must be change on the horizon ... or I'm jinxing myself. either way, change is inevitable. bring it.

c'mon 32

so my hubby can't keep a secret to save his life. his anticipation and excitement builds up too much and he simply can't stand it. he tries to make it so I pry it out of him, but this is how it really went down -

"so do you want to know?"

"no I can wait until Christmas"

"want to play 20 questions?"

"no, I'll wait"

"oh, but you'll need a few months to prepare"

"yea right"

"no really. don't you want to know?!"

"you're pathetic. alright, what is it?"

so for Christmas, he is taking us to HAWAII during my birthday!! so on my 32nd birthday, we will be up in a helicopter getting a birds eye view of the islands!

for one entire day, we'll be at a luau. 10 hours of eating, drinking, belly dancing ... and whatever else they do.

he also found a VIP pass that will be good for museums, parks, spas, and a whole bunch of other extras for the entire trip.

us = him and I ... NO KIDS

my birthday isn't until February, but the whole idea is to leave 3 feet of snow behind us. right now in December, we have snow but not tons and tons of it. by February we'll be so sick of snow, it'll be great timing.

now he hasn't actually purchased the tickets yet, but he definitely knows better than to play with my emotions like that!

anyone know - will prices be better after the new year when holiday travel is over?

I've wanted a getaway with my hubby for what seems like forever. of course I love my kids, but mama & papa have to come first sometimes. whoo hoo! I'm soooooo excited!

got any insider tips for me? I'm all ears!

birthdays

my husband is the first person I have ever met that sincerely does not enjoy his birthday.  it is not so much about getting older, but he just does not care one way or the other.  he wants to treat July 21 like every other day.

me on the other hand, I love my birthday.  growing up, I always felt special on my day (thanks mom and dad!) and so I like to do that same thing for my family.  small birthday parties, maybe a few presents, special dinner, and decorations.  nothing extravagant, but enough for that particular day to stand out from the rest.  your birthday is a celebration of what God has created - YOU!!

if hubby ignored my birthday, I would definitely be upset and disappointed.  my MIL told me earlier last week, by not receiving the blessing someone is trying to give you, you steal their blessing too. him not allowing me to celebrate him yesterday, I was also upset and disappointed.

what to do with a year-round Scrooge?  he is really not a fan of any holiday because he believes it is just corporate america making the rich richer ... to some extent I agree.  he also believes that all tradition is bad ... this I do not fully agree with.   still, no birthdays?

got any suggestions for me?

put your hands up!

guns is sort of a touchy subject for me. I'm not really sure how I feel abou them. hubby has owned guns for years now ... I guess that means I've owned guns for years now too.
I've never been interested in them. I think all I ever knew, was that guns can kill. the intention of a gun is to cause harm, something that I want nothing to do with. I need to learn to love, not hurt others.
but I realize it would be completely foolish of me to remain ignorant and uneducated, knowing full well that there are guns in our house. I need to learn to shoot. something my hubby has been waiting forever to hear! we drove up into the woods, about 8,000 feet. it was a pretty view and it was also pretty cold.
this gun with the scope is huge, and heavy, and I can't remember what it is exactly. it was hard to get the shot lined up, but once I did, I got to thinking about the kick it has, then I chickened out and didn't even shoot it!

here is me and my target. squint and you can see I got a couple in the white bullseye, with this massive AR-15 no less!

I also used a shot gun. that has lots of kick, in fact when I shot it, I got the top of a tree instead of my target that was straight ahead. I couldn't control it, it was just too powerful for me.

so then I tried a pistol. this I enjoyed much more because it was less kick, I didn't have to hold it againist my body, and this one made me feel like a super bad-ass cop chick ... just for a second anyway! I didn't get any of my targets on this one either.

the sad part of the day was this:

the trees are covered with bullet holes. bullets can kill trees too.

and the ground is covered with things that people have brought to shoot to death. I would never think to bring a step ladder, but someone thought it was a good idea. there were old computer monitors, tons and tons of beer cans, glass shattered everywhere, not to mention all the shot gun shells.

I'm sure it's not just these woods that are popular for shooting/target practice. now it will be hard to look at a beautiful mountain view without thinking about all this. it's so ugly. I wish I could pick it all up. there were certainly not enough hours in that day to do it.

if you have guns in your house, get a clue how to use them. I am not qualified by any means, but if need be, I'm at least a little capable now.

please be safe!

awake at 3am

it's 3am and I'm not sleeping.
I was, but then I cough.
I was, then my congestion takes over and I can't breath.
I was, then Elliott wakes up wanting to eat.

sigh.

I have been sick for a few days now. it wasn't anything major until I had to drive to Wyoming to meet hubby (complicated nonsense) and driving there with the changing elevation really messed me up. now I'm coughing, congested, major sinus pressure especially behind my eyes ... sigh. the pharmacist gave me sudafed, which is approved by the APA. he said it will come through to Elliott and probably make him cranky, but drink lots of water. it helped, but not a lot. Elliott did get cranky. it hit him within a couple hours of me taking it. I always wondered what flavors he was eating, compared to when I ate them. there ya go, a couple hours.
I'm definitely a nose-breather-sleeper. (yep, coined that one myself!) if I have to breath through my mouth, I'll wake up gagging from dry mouth. yuck. hubby sleeps like that. yuck. that's part of the reason we're not snugglers, or rather, why I don't snuggle with him while sleeping. heavy breathing, bad breath, it's always loud too. he's also a total warm-body. snuggling next to him, you'll be sweating in 5 mintues, no lie. aaaah, but I do love him. I swear!

and can I just add, it's AMAZING how much snot your body can produce! kleenex is evil after blowing your nose all day, lotion kleenex or not.

Elliott has woken up a couple times tonight wanting to eat. he never has slept through the night consistently, but I am determined to get that going! I was reading about babies and all their cuteness, and everyone said babies after 6 months old that wake at night to eat does it out of habit, not because they're actually hungry. they want mama to come in and hold them close, console them, fill the belly, and then go back to sleep. who wouldn't want that?!
I personally believe in the cry-it-out method. I tried the other way, and he just cries harder when he sees me, then when I turn my back and leave again, cover your ears. why draw it out longer? and yes it keeps me up, but it's not like I can sleep anyway.
Elliott gives up a lot sooner than Sam ever did, which is nice. much more tolerable that way. but it still pulls on my heartstrings pretty hard. knowing exactly what he's asking for but still not giving it. it's usually when you can't understand what they need that breaks mamas' hearts, but here's the exception to that.
up until 5 minutes ago Sam slept right through it all. that kid sleeps like a brick. and I've heard that about boys; they won't be fully potty trained until much older because they just don't wake up for the middle of the night potty trips. whatever. to me, not a big deal. when/if it bothers Sam, then we'll work on it.

ok, so this is my learning curve. what have I learned?
don't get sick! maybe I need to be more of a germ-freak. afterall, we don't have insurance and can't afford to get sick! the boys are cold-free still, and I've been praying their health remains protected from those evil germs.
and I probably should've dealt with the sleeping through the night thing with Elliott months ago. he has a better memory now, not to say he won't love me again in the morning.
oh, and is there a way to get hubby to breath through his nose? I think I'm screwed on that one.

sigh.

a Grimm death

the mouse is dead ...

after I had gone to bed last night, hubby hears some squeaking. he goes to investigate and finds the mouse on the trap. this gooey, sticky stuff sucks the limbs in more as the animal fights to get away. when he was found, there was no getting out.
hubby has a soft side and really tried to get him loose, but his fate was inevietable. so hubby either had to let it freeze to death stuck in this thing outside or put it out of it's misery.
what do you think he did? well for those of you who actually know him, this will probably come to no surprise ...
he took the mouse into the garage and got out his pellet gun. the mouse didn't see it coming, and obviously didn't feel a thing.

thought you might like to know - we're rodent free!!

goodbye mickey mouse

today's adventure

what could be cute and gross at the same time? a mouse running around my house!

the other morning was as normal as ever, I was feeding the boys breakfast and Papa was headed out the door for work. it had snowed the night before, so he was outside scraping the windshield and warming up his truck before leaving.
I headed for the pantry to put something away and out of the corner of my eye, I saw something. all I saw was a dark blur running away. OMG!
I didn't freak out too much since the boys were there. and knowing Sam, he'd want to search for "it" so he could have a new friend.
so I call Papa back inside and tell him "now I'm not crazy, but I swear I saw something scurry that way!" of course he doesn't believe me and does think I'm crazy, but to calm my imagination he lifts up the sofa and does a quick search before leaving for work. of course, we found nothing.
later that day as I'm making lunch, I see nibbles in the bread bag and a chunk missing from a piece of bread. when Papa gets home I show him this - "see? I'm not crazy!"
we got a few traps, but the mouse managed to maneuver around them and so he was free for another night.
so this morning as we're coming downstairs, I remind Papa about the trap. it's the kind that is super sticky, so if/when the mouse steps on it, it can't move. eeewww! I did not want to find the catch; if the mouse was squirming, it could have ripped off its own skin to try and get away. eeewww!

the mouse wasn't on the trap this morning. we did see him on another shelf in the pantry, so Matt grabbed some tupperware (the closest thing) to catch him. he made a break for it and tried to go under the fridge. he was small, but luckily his belly was too big and couldn't get underneath it fast enough. too many carbs from our bread I guess! so Matt pulled him out by his tail and we got him.



so he's a cutie after all. I told Matt I was envisioning the rat from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (can't remember his name now) even though he was a good guy in the movie, he was so gross! he was big and hairy, with huge unbrushed teeth ... not that a rat would brush his teeth, but you know what I mean. big and yellow with bad, no rank, breath. eeewww!

so we talked about what to do with him. if we put him outside in the cold, he'd die for sure. he's not going to be our pet, so what do we do? before kids I wouldn't care so much, but since Sam has been old enough, I try to do catch and release with him like with spiders and whatever else. if I expect him to value life, I can't be killing those creepy spiders, right? they are all God's creation, right?!
so I told Matt to put him in the field near the high school (we're like a block away). I figured he'd have the best chance there. as he's getting the mouse ready for the move, he's feeling sorry for it and decided to put some of the bread he's been persistently hunting each night in there, you know for comfort. ha! what do you think happened next?
yep, the mouse jumps out and into the sink. Matt was so afraid he'd go down the garbage disposal. as he's trying to re-catch the mouse, the mouse is obviously freaking out and trying to jump out of the sink. he can't jump quite high enough, so Matt says "wow he's got some ups for a little mouse!" and then of course as soon as that is said, he got just enough to get out of the sink. so now, he's running up and down the counter. eeewww! we just can't get him, he jumps on the floor again, but this time cornered. as Matt gets the tupperware ready, Matt hits his head on the corner of the countertop, falls to his knees in pain, and that pesky mouse got away. he went in the crack to get behind the dishwasher ... and as of now, that's where he stays.
since Matt hit his head, that made him mad and so he put the trap at his only exit. we'll see if he can get around it again.
if he does get out unscathed, I guess we'll find him in the pantry again tomorrow.

sleep tight

... don't let the bed bugs bite!

my hubby insists that making your bed will allow the bed bugs to have nicer living quarters. he says they like it "cozy" and all covered up. so his answer to not getting bed bugs is ... any guesses? ... to not make the bed of course.

now keep in mind, I do change our bed sheets. my mom has ingrained in me that sheets ought to be changed once weekly, but I'm more like once every two weeks ... or so. sorry mom.
and I absolutely LOVE the feeling of new sheets on a bed - fresh, clean, smells good, feels good, and I always sleep so good too.

I don't think we've ever had bed bugs. seems like something you'd remember if you had, right? Sam has gotten some itchy bites from an unknown source before. bed bugs? not sure.

having a California king bed is nice. we're not snugglers, so we both get our own space to spread out on the bed. and too, there is room for Sam get in there in the wee-wee hours of the morning ... nothing to do with pee-pee!

here's my excuse now - having this huge bed, is definitely a chore to make. if there were two people doing it, it would be a piece of cake and done in 10 seconds. but with one person you have to pull one side of the sheet, walk around to the other side and pull that up. and you can't just do the reach-over; it's too big! I've tried it!
then you have to get the blanket, one side then the other. then the comforter, one side then the other. then the pillows, one side then the other. then the decorative pillows, one side then the other.
whew! I'm tired just thinking about it ...

and I know we've all heard the stories about spiders crawling in and out of our mouths, noses, and ears throughout the night. SO GROSS!

so I'm now trying to find something, anything for my hubby's argument on bedbugs. yes they do like cozy places, but I can't find any proof that not making your bed eliminates your chances of getting them. if you find something on this, please let me know.

now go change your sheets!

say cheese ... achoo!

I forgot to post pictures!

we never did get a nice one of both of us, oh well.

we had a fun day together anyway.

Sam loves his Papa!

I think this is a great picture of my big boy Sam.  he's growing up, even faster now that he's a big brother.  he's so smart and very funny.  he loves people and loves to talk up a storm, just like his Papa!  I'm anxious to see if Eli will be more like me.

I tried to get one of us, but Matthew had to sneeze.  I [obviously] took the picture anyway.  it was funny ... maybe you had to be there!

love is in the air ... and engraved in the sidewalk.

love you babe.  happy anniversary!

here's to 8 more ... at least!

crazy 8's

yesterday was our 8 year wedding anniversary. wow! I can't decide if it feels longer or shorter ... probably longer since we've been through so much. I feel accomplished in a way; it's great when you can actually learn from your mistakes and get on with your life. our marriage is probably our greatest testimony, a true miracle of what only God can do.

I'll be skipping some of the details and give you the shortened version - sorry!

we started out like all the others, with high expectations of each other. for our first 5 years, we were constantly expecting too much and assuming everything. we didn't communicate, and it literally tore us apart. we each felt perfectly justified and so neither one of us would change. we were perfect in our own eyes. and oh boy, the words that left our mouths! it was nasty, it was completely inappropriate and disrespectful, it was abuse. it did more than scar, it made gaping wounds in our hearts and brought complete distrust between us. he got short-tempered and angry, I got resentful and heartbroken, crying non-stop.

by our 6th year of marriage we split up, not once but twice. after the second time, we were ready to sign divorce papers. only two reasons why we didn't; no money to do it but more importantly, we had Sam. I did lots individual counseling, we tried couples counseling, nothing was working. our hearts were so hard and numb. the only thing I could cling to was I knew in my heart of hearts that God would not have given us Sam if our marriage was going to fail ... even though this happens to couples all the time. everything else about us was up in the air, but this is the one thing I KNEW. this year was VERY difficult, everything was so volatile and that made it scary.

it's not so ironic that during this time we were not in church at all. I started attending before hubby did, but eventually he came too. our church at the time (zion worship center) was able to help us tremendously. we got connected with great people who genuinely wanted nothing more than to see our marriage healed; more than we did!! over time we realize how far, far, far, far, far God was from the center of our relationship. as much as we would say we believe in Him and His Word, we never actually applied it to our marriage. duh, right? God went to work on us, as individuals, and then as a couple. we were able to take responsibility for our part in the abuse. our hearts were healed and we were able to forgive each other. truly amazing.

this time last year was exciting, we were able to renew our wedding vows to each other on our 7th anniversary. we figured as dead as our marriage was, we needed to start over in every way. I wish I had some pictures of that night to post. we took pictures, but they're just not digital.
the way I see it, God has used Sam to save us. our problems didn't come out into the light until we became parents that first time. I used to feel just awful about the possible effects this would have on Sam in the future; how much would he really remember? but since God gave me Hebrews 1:14, specifically about Sam (I think I posted about that before), I'm at total peace about it. I believe Sam was our angel, literally here to save us. so in our 7th year, or sometimes I think of it as the new and improved 1st year, I became pregnant with baby #2. we had fallen in love again and God blessed us with Eli.
I am more than happy to say we haven't gone back to our old ways. we put in a lot of effort to be a team, to talk it out, and to be responsible everyday. we've incorporated prayer into our marriage and that alone has helped incredibly.

and to the girls who know the details ...
Morgan, have I ever really thanked you for all you did for me? THANK YOU!!!! you are an incredible woman of God and I was blessed to have you as my mommy. :) you were always looking out for me, making sure I stayed on the path God was lighting up for me. it's no coincidence we got connected. I truly value what you have done for me, and it's something I will never forget. I hope I can pass on the same blessing to someone else someday.
and to Laura, thank you for being you. you're very sincere and honest, and I always felt your compassion. there are many things you said to me that came at the perfect time, just ingrained in my mind forever. it's no coincidence we got connected either. I appreciate every hug and prayer from the both of you. I love you girls, you helped me change my life forever.

just hangin' out

I took the boys to the park the other day.

this is what Papa and Eli did - napped on the slide!

Eli's awake time is getting a bit longer.

I actually got a picture with his pretty blue eyes open!

this is Gma (my mom, can't you tell?) and Eli hangin' out together.

his shirt says "I tried to be good, but I got bored"

it's soooo Sam; I had to buy this shirt!

this picture needs no explaining, right?  just my goofy kid!

Happy Father's Day

today on Father's Day we had a couple of firsts -

we went geo-caching. basically you go out looking for buried treasures, as Sam says. the website (geocaching.com) will give you coordinates for your GPS, and then you're off.  some of them have just a logbook to sign; some have stuff in them, you take one, but you also have to leave something; some are way of the beaten path and it's a hike to find; and still others are riddles/puzzles that take some effort to locate.

I forgot my camera on our adventure, bummer!! but we had lots of fun and want to begin a weekly adventure.  our family day is usually on Sundays after church, so I'll post some pictures of our discovery next week.  you ought to try it, it's fun, and they're located everywhere!!

the other first today was bath time for Eli ... and yes, we decided to call him Eli rather than Elliott. I know some people say to bathe babies everyday, others say every once/twice per week, but I say do it when they need it. babies just don't get dirty ... especially compared to 3 year olds! oh my goodness, what a difference!

Eli was completely relaxed in the warm water; he loved it!  so relaxed that he pooped on Papa, so that cut bathtime short for everyone. :) afterwards, I fed him and now he's out cold.  hhmmm, maybe we'll do it more often for the sleepiness factor.

I love my boys!  Happy Father's Day Papa!