my husband is the first person I have ever met that sincerely does not enjoy his birthday.  it is not so much about getting older, but he just does not care one way or the other.  he wants to treat July 21 like every other day.
me on the other hand, I love my birthday.  growing up, I always felt special on my day (thanks mom and dad!) and so I like to do that same thing for my family.  small birthday parties, maybe a few presents, special dinner, and decorations.  nothing extravagant, but enough for that particular day to stand out from the rest.  your birthday is a celebration of what God has created - YOU!!
if hubby ignored my birthday, I would definitely be upset and disappointed.  my MIL told me earlier last week, by not receiving the blessing someone is trying to give you, you steal their blessing too. him not allowing me to celebrate him yesterday, I was also upset and disappointed.

what to do with a year-round Scrooge?  he is really not a fan of any holiday because he believes it is just corporate america making the rich richer ... to some extent I agree.  he also believes that all tradition is bad ... this I do not fully agree with.   still, no birthdays?

got any suggestions for me?

the time is now

today Elliott is done nursing, well he didn't have a choice, today I am done nursing.  another bittersweet day for me.

on the one hand, I'm very happy to have my body be my own again.  no more nursing bras, nursing pads, soreness, or bite marks.  no more awkwardness feeding in public or taking time out of any social get-togethers to deal with it, no more interruptions.
the other day I made 2 pb&j sandwiches, one for Sam, one for Elliott.  I thought that was awesome!
the other hand of course, it leaves me a little sad.  Elliott is my last baby (out of my body anyway!) so my nursing days are officially over.  yes I know there are other ways of bonding with your kids, but breastfeeding is as close as you can get with your baby. there is a level of intimacy, and vulnerability on both sides, and when you do anything that makes you feel that way with someone else, it strengthens that relationship so much.

it feels good to have used my breasts for what God intended.  that may sound silly, but I'm serious.  the world portrays breasts only in sexual ways; no, breasts have an actual purpose!  it sort of feels like I've completed a mission God wants all mothers to accomplish ... if that makes any sense. 

I had him stay up a bit later than usual. normally he's eating and in his crib by 830-845, but tonight I waited until then to feed him that "2nd dinner."  I don't remember how or what I did for Sam, so I was guessing on what to do.
I made him some rice cereal with whole milk and bananas.  we finished around 9 and I tried to hold him a bit but he wouldn't have it, so in his crib he went.  he started crying, but it lasted less than 1/2 hour which totally surprised me.  I was expecting something similar to the night when we "taught him" to sleep through the night; he fought it for at least 1 hour, screaming.  I think it helped that we started later, so he was already tired.  bedtimes we can fix much easier than bedtime nursing, so I'm not too worried about what time he goes to bed.

if anything, I'll get to sleep in a bit tomorrow!

a healthy cookie

maybe just a healthier cookie :)
a new take on the favorite chocolate chip cookie, by Jessica Seinfeld.

1C brown sugar
3/4C margarine
2 egg whites
2 tsp vanilla
1 (15oz) can of chickpeas
2C chocolate chips
2C flour
1/2C oats
1 tsp baking soda
1/4 tsp salt

Preheat to 350 degrees.  Mix margarine and sugar, then add egg whites and vanilla, then add chickpeas and chocolate chips.  Next add flour, oats, baking soda, and salt.  Scoop onto cookie sheet and bake for 11-13 minutes.

I thought they turned out pretty good, still very chocolaty.  Hubby thought they tasted too "healthy," but of course he still eats them.

Try them yourself and let me know what you think. Enjoy!


Sin takes on so many different forms, and the thing that is always the same is how ugly it is. actually, disgusting might be a better word for it. It's easy to say you have sin, because we all have sin, but to get a real revelation of it is totally different.

The other day was a bad day, I have been in need of a break for awhile. my in-laws have been on vacation for over a month, my husband has been working 60+ hours per week, my kids aren't in school, I have no babysitter ... it's been just me and the kiddos all the time. Mommies need breaks!

I am also going through other changes; we will be moving again, hubby had to quit his job, many unpaid bills, blah blah blah. I had been handling all this fairly well (if I do say so myself) but all this plus needy kids had created major stress this one particular day. the kids were crying, I was trying to cook dinner, and I had to just walk away because anger had filled me from head to toe. when I did get control of anger, I was hit with the revelation of love, or rather, the lack there of. I realized I was so angry at my kids because I was so focused on myself. I felt so awful.

This hit me hard since it came about because of my kids. Any mom will tell you what a connection there is between her and her baby; 9 months inside, 12+ months nursing, I'm a stay at home mom, I am so in love with my kids ... or so I thought. a bad day, a few wrong buttons pushed, stupid circumstantial stuff and I realize how conditional my love is. I guess for whatever reason, I thought I was different. I thought unconditional love was possible for people to have, more like a choice.

Sin is intertwined in everything, which makes us soliders to fight it every day, actually every second of everyday. Lord, give us eyes to see and ears to hear.

God is THE only one who loves truly UNconditioally. now I know.