the business of being born

so I just watched 'The Business of Being Born' and I must say it hit a nerve. looking back on how Samuel was born, I feel sort of robbed.  I like how 1 midwife said it, and I'll paraphrase, "we spend more time researching what kind of electronics we want or what kind of car we'd like to drive.  what about researching the best way to bring a life into this world?!"

as a first time mom, I didn't research much.  I took the parenting and breastfeeding classes the hospital offered, thinking that's what I needed to become prepared; but then I just left it at that.  I assumed that the hospital was the safest place to be to have my baby, no matter which way he had to come out.  the doctors and nurses have done this millions of times before, and at the time, that fact was comforting.  what this video explains is BECAUSE the doctors and nurses have done this a million times before, it's all become such routine.  it's become a series of hoops to jump through, and if you fail, it's an automatic c-section ... basically.

with Samuel's birth, I started out on pitocin.  when the contractions got bad, I opted for IV drugs; skipping the epidural I wouldn't go numb and I would be able to know when to push ... or so that was the plan.  the drugs made me pretty loopy, but from what I remember, they told me his heartrate dropped too much too fast and I needed to have an emergency c-section.

in this video, they explained the standard cycle of medication the hospital will use for any/all labors.  and it really is a vicious cycle; even though mom is put at ease with drugs, baby still feels contractions and, more often than not, becomes stressed and loses oxygen altogether ... which will lower the heartrate and bring on more c-sections, and when the doctors tells you this, it brings more panic to mom.

after seeing that explained, that's why I feel sort of robbed.  it just fits what happened to me and Samuel; they could have very easily been the ones to actually cause the lowered heartrate and the need for surgery.  I made it to 8cm; my body was doing what it was suppose to ... but I felt I was at their mercy.  I would've felt like a bad mother if I didn't listen to their advice, because afterall, I just wanted a healthy baby.  it's one of those things; if only I had I known then what I know now.

labor and delivery is suppose to be the MOST beautiful part of pregnancy.  our bodies are made to do this!  it's too bad there is so much fear built up around it.  I would highly recommend this video to any/all first time mommies.

as much as I'd like to, there is nothing I can do about my upcoming surgery.  the majority of doctors don't do VBAC's.  I have decided to get my tubes tied, so for that reason, it works out nicely.  but I am in awe of women who get to fully experience the birth of their babies, the way it's intended to be.  it's a battle wound to be proud of; never forget the pain of it all, but also the amazing miracle it is.

I do believe in what doesn't kill you makes you stronger ... God doesn't give you things you cannot handle.  my hubby tells me a lot "you're A LOT stronger than you think" and he's right.  it's one of those things that is easier said than done, I know. keep me in your prayers; I'm a bit freaked about this surgery.  less than 3 weeks to go!

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