I hate it when my revelations are so simple, don't you? don't get me wrong, I am very thankful for it, but I sometimes feel like "why didn't I think of that?!"
humans are far from perfect, me specifically.

I just came back from a long walk. no music. no babies. just me and my thoughts.

so we're moving again (as you know) and I'm wondering why we have this pattern of moving. I don't think I have final clarity on that, but I did get it on part of it. the answer - people.

my husband is a people person, definitely an extrovert, and has finally accepted it as a gift with the intent to use it righteously. me on the other hand I am an introvert, which I realize is not bad, I just have a different approach to people. the boys so far are following their father's footsteps on that one, which I love to see.

I used to think that I wanted/needed to stop all this crazy moving and get settled, grow some roots, and get connected with people. I did get connected with mom's clubs and church groups, but when we had to move, I was disappointed and hurt that I had to [sort of] give up these relationships. you can only do so much over facebook. :) after this loss I didn't rejoin anything in the next town, and so when we moved again, I was glad I didn't have to go through that heartache all over again. I kind of saved myself from it.

I brought myself to a place where I saw people everywhere I went and they became sort of faceless. its easy to generalize people, and that's what I did. I saw them as a group, all the same, not needing, or necessarily wanting to get to know any of them. I thought, why bother?

but what I realized that know matter where we go there will be people (obviously!) and they all need/want a source of light. why do I forget that I am a source of light?!

we are a source, to someone, for something specific. no matter where we go, our light will not be dimmed. we need to see each person, for each person. we ought to see them the way God created them, as individuals; unique, gifted, and as His children, to be loved.
my idea of connecting with people is different than what God just taught me. I thought "connecting" was having life-long relationships, to know their hearts desire, to know their families, to talk about their perspective on God, etc. if/when a spiritual connection presents itself between two people, words and time are almost not necessary.

in my opinion, being a christian means to be thankful for each day, each second even. to appreciate what's been given to you (even the things not necessarily given to you) and take advantage of those situations God has you in. circumstances change, and I believe with good reason from above.

Matt and I have talked extensively about how and why this is happening for our children. always trying to keep the glass 1/2 full, we thought maybe this is conditioning them for mission work later on in life. Matt and I had always talked about getting involved with that, and maybe we still will later on, but I know that following generations take things a step further than the originals ever did. God only knows! it's just a thought.

it doesn't matter where we go, we can make a difference. it isn't necessary to stay in one spot to get connected to people. I think I just got a step closer to something.

No comments: