I know something isn't right spiritually when everything on the outside is perfect, but somehow I'm still unhappy. it's easy to think "if I had this" or "if this would just happen," life would be great. if it were only that easy, right?!

I have a great, beautiful home
a family, happy & healthy
food in the fridge
money in the bank
a God who loves me & is always there
I stay home with my kids
and on and on and on I could go.

during the season I was involved with church, I was pushed spiritually in a way I never had been before. although this church is no more, it was a major tool God used to get through to me.
in that time I was upset a lot because I was made uncomfortable; pushed to go to an unexpected place. a place I didn't know existed until I got there. I now miss it.
currently I am not in a church, and get upset a lot because stuff gets bottled up. no one pushes me; I'm stagnant. blah.
both may be an uncomfortable place, but at least in one of them, change happens. and I know God wants us flexible to change; willing and knowing we're able. I'm realizing I need self-discipline for sure, but also, how important accountability is for my progress.

in my hearts of hearts, I believe in His power. my faith lacks in His willingness. His mercy and grace constantly amazes me, but that's different than bringing change to me, to you, or to the world. the world is in a place where all He can do is bring revelation to believers, with ears to hear and a passion in their hearts.
there is a root of something in me, nagging at me. God get me uncomfortable. give me a revelation, because I'm ready to rip it out.

I was listening to an older CD of mine - Michelle Branch. I don't know where she is now, but 5 or so years back I discovered her music and many of her christian lyrics stick with me day to day. here's one -

and when I catch my breath, it's You I see
You're everything I know, that makes me believe
I'm not alone

life gets crazy. busy. how do you keep the world out? is that even possible? I get caught up in it and eventually feel it. I think the goal is to feel it sooner, always sooner. when I feel it and catch my breath (spiritually), then it's You I see.

your thoughts on my thoughts? leave a comment.

1 comment:

Morgan said...

I think at Zion is was easy to rely on people or events for our passion for Jesus. Maybe God has you in a season where you learn to push yourself? I think I'm realizing so much more that our relationships with God can't be dependent on circumstances, but on our own personal choices. I think a lot of people there seem passionate, but what if God called them to plant a church in Africa all alone. Could they retain that fire? That's the true test....am I faithful to God, am I passionately in love with Him, and I spending time in His word and in prayer when no one is checking in on me or telling me to? Definitely much,much harder!
Love you, Katie!