the time is now

today Elliott is done nursing, well he didn't have a choice, today I am done nursing.  another bittersweet day for me.

on the one hand, I'm very happy to have my body be my own again.  no more nursing bras, nursing pads, soreness, or bite marks.  no more awkwardness feeding in public or taking time out of any social get-togethers to deal with it, no more interruptions.
the other day I made 2 pb&j sandwiches, one for Sam, one for Elliott.  I thought that was awesome!
the other hand of course, it leaves me a little sad.  Elliott is my last baby (out of my body anyway!) so my nursing days are officially over.  yes I know there are other ways of bonding with your kids, but breastfeeding is as close as you can get with your baby. there is a level of intimacy, and vulnerability on both sides, and when you do anything that makes you feel that way with someone else, it strengthens that relationship so much.

it feels good to have used my breasts for what God intended.  that may sound silly, but I'm serious.  the world portrays breasts only in sexual ways; no, breasts have an actual purpose!  it sort of feels like I've completed a mission God wants all mothers to accomplish ... if that makes any sense. 

I had him stay up a bit later than usual. normally he's eating and in his crib by 830-845, but tonight I waited until then to feed him that "2nd dinner."  I don't remember how or what I did for Sam, so I was guessing on what to do.
I made him some rice cereal with whole milk and bananas.  we finished around 9 and I tried to hold him a bit but he wouldn't have it, so in his crib he went.  he started crying, but it lasted less than 1/2 hour which totally surprised me.  I was expecting something similar to the night when we "taught him" to sleep through the night; he fought it for at least 1 hour, screaming.  I think it helped that we started later, so he was already tired.  bedtimes we can fix much easier than bedtime nursing, so I'm not too worried about what time he goes to bed.

if anything, I'll get to sleep in a bit tomorrow!

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